So, my regular readers know I’m not especially religious…and that I’m actually especially suspicious and cynical about organized religion… And as I was laying in bed last night/this morning, busy with the business of not sleeping, I got to thinking about something that occupies my mind too often lately;
How much I hate most people on the internet.
How rude and obnoxious the anonymity of online forums and social sites allow some people to be.
And how much I really need to start extricating myself from the internet’s devious grasp. I spend too much time arguing with asshats I don’t even know…because, even though I know it’s not my job to school people, there are some displays of douchebaggery I have a hard time just passing by.
So I thought, I need to handle this stuff better. I thought…
WWJD?
But I don’t believe in Jesus. Besides, my real question would be “Would Jesus Slap the Shit Out of Someone For This?” But WJStSOoSFT is just not as pithy as WWJD…so, who could I emulate in these types of situations that would better fit my ideology AND this sweet acronym???
Here’s a few of the solutions I came up with, inspired by some of the best “J’s” ever…
Q: Someone is being dick on the internet and I can’t punch them in the face… What do I do???
A:
Q: What would Johnny do?
A: Get High and Eat Cake
A:
Q: What Would Jack Do?
A: “The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem”
or…
“I wash my hands of this weirdness.”
A:
Q: What Would Johnny (Knoxville) Do?
A: Break something, or hit someone in the balls… and film it.
And if all else fails:
Q: What would John (Torrance) Do?
A: Start talking to the voices and smashing shit up…
This last one also begs the question, What Would Jack (Nicholson) Do? The answer is probably the same.
Happy Tuesday!
alienredqueen 
Ha! You did it. This is great; you even got the scariest character ever in there. Also, I’ll quit arguing ignorant politics and quit being anonymous too. : )
I was gonna link your post in too, but I didn’t end up, but some of the ones I was gonna put it weren’t “Johnnies”…. (I think I meant to put Jared Padalecki in there too! lol) But, yeah man…cut it out, or I’mm gonna come after you with a roque mallet….
Sorry, I just love to hide while babbling about whether my mail carrier will show up or not due to the shutdown. It’s such a hot-button issue… This would be hard to link to a serious celebrity themed blog like mine anyway. No worries. 😉
I am almost positive you are not the assholes I am fighting with all the time… lol. My mom was pissed off yesterday because the lady in the “social” office didn’t call her back. I was like… Mom… Are you talking about your Medicare??? That’s federal! She’s prob not even IN her office!
That lady is furloughed like a mofo. Health care is such a low priority. I’m not going to argue with you about politics. This is my literary home for the most part. My political work stays away from here. I am also not on fb. Can’t take the stupid.
Hahah! Too right. But you and I seem like we’d be pretty politically like-minded. I doubt we’d argue too much. 😉
Cool. I think so too.
Nicholson would probably be too drunk to care.
In the Shining, he was even “ghost drunk!” hahah
I actually like “WWJD,” because I think it’s a great way for Christians (and I suppose non-Christians, I’ll explain in a moment) to remember to act “Christlike.”
And I suppose you wouldn’t have to be Christian to derive benefit. You say you don’t believe in Jesus, but what you probably mean is that you don’t believe in Jesus’ divinity. Jesus of Nazareth (which is the secular title, as opposed to Jesus the Christ) was supposed to be a pretty cool dude, regardless.
Of course, if What Would Jack Nicholson Do works for you….
Well, I see your point, but part of the appeal of being Christ-like seems to be derived from his divinity, and “purity” of spirit, if you will. If he is just a man, he is imperfect, and we may as well say “What would Gandhi Do?” Or “What Would Buddha Do?”
Or, What Would Smak Do? lol
I’d stick with Gandhi or Buddha, really.
Oh, and I very much dispute that I’ve never been “JC in a bush eating cake high.”
I’m sorry… Did I hurt your delicate sense of pot head pride? 😉
A little, maybe.
K:
You get a sticker for “WJStSOoSFT”
Funny shit, yo!!!! \m/
You had WAY too much fun with this 🙂
Best thing I heard a Christian say recently? “Of course Jesus is a bit messed up, he had two dads!”
My jaw dropped. Even as an atheist I had no response to that!
I DID have fun with this…
And I am very tempted to make a bad virgin Mary joke, but I’m sure you can just imagine all the punch lines anyway.
I feel your pain. I find solace though on a parody Facebook page (Jesus H. Christ). It is run by a person that abhors religious fundamentalists and actually comments on their ignorant posts as Jesus. He/She? also has a twitter. I highly reccomend following.
Haha! I’ll check it out! Thanks!