Things Not To Do

(sort of flash fiction piece based on common horror tropes.  possibly may still add to/revise it, but for now it is ‘finished’- 3-12)

THINGS NOT TO DO:

Don’t answer the phone. Don’t go into the basement. Don’t open the door. Never ask “Who’s there?” It’s never just the wind. Don’t go exploring. If you do go exploring, don’t split up. Don’t take the short cut. Don’t get out of the car. Don’t stay in the car alone. Don’t go into the woods. Never turn your back. Garlic doesn’t work. Keep your clothes on; cheaters and naked people die first. Never hitchhike. Never pick up a hitchhiker. Don’t scream for help. Don’t get bitten. Shoot them in the head. Grab the nearest weapon and don’t be afraid to use it. And for the love of God, DON’T drop the weapon after you use it! Be careful who you trust. Don’t come out of hiding; you may think the killer is gone but when you come out, he’ll get you. Don’t go near him, he’s not really dead. If you hit him and knock him down, keep hitting him until his brains are on the floor. Monsters exist. Usually the human ones are worse than the non-human ones. Don’t look back. Don’t stop running. Try not to trip. Hold your breath. Don’t make a sound. When the house tells you to “get out,” leave. Don’t open the chest. Don’t play the game. Don’t read the book. Don’t speak the words. You’re already dead.

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15 responses to “Things Not To Do

  1. Very well written! It really hit a nerve, as I’m reading David Wong’s “John dies at the end” right now – somehow this post fit the mood of the book perfectly.

  2. I could totally see this as a dark children’s book–a single sentence on each page with an awesome illustration. It builds to the surprise ending on the last page, sort of like There’s a Monster at the End of this Book, lol.

  3. Don’t hang up. Don’t be a hero. Use your car as a battering ram. When the child starts whispering in an adult voice, run, ask questions later. Try to escape. Always try to escape. Train for the apocalypse. Buy a transistor radio. Now.

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