Insomnia, Writer’s Block, and Tape Worms

Okay, last thing’s first.   I’m starting to think I must have a tapeworm or overactive thyroid or something.  In fact, I am almost hoping I do.  What started out as sporadic and mostly an annoyance and hindrance to my weight loss efforts even with the added bump in exercise,  has become out of control.  I am hungry almost all the time.  

Before you ask, yes, I make sure to get a good mix of fiber and protein.  I cook fairly healthily.  I sleep with a cup of water by my bed.  Yes, I take meds that may increase hunger, but most of them I have either been on for a long time, or have been on previously without hunger to this degree.  I am to the point where I am consuming upwards of 500-1000 calories before I even get up to start my day!!!  I am getting up repeatedly in the middle of the night and needing to ‘snack.’  I have tried eating fruit, a spoonful of peanut butter, drinking a half cup whole milk…  And I called my doctor (this is the second time I have asked a doctor/nurse practitioner to address this situation) only to be told she doesn’t ‘have any ideas.’   Well, gee, I’m so glad I pay you my co-pays for fucking nothing.

My stomach is cramping, it’s rumbly; it’s burpy, acidy, and uncomfortable feeling… even as soon as an half hour to an hour after a reasonable sized meal.

NURSE: (paraphrased) She (the nurse practitioner) said maybe you need to a more balanced diet…but you said you already eat well.  Maybe you need to exercise more.

ME: I already go to volleyball once a week and exercise on my elliptical 4 to 5 times a week.

NURSE: Well, you know when you exercise more, you eat more.  Maybe you are burning more calories and not getting enough.  Maybe you need to eat more. 

ME:  (MORE?) Then why am I ten pounds overweight?

Seriously?  So if I eat but don’t exercise, I’m fucked.  And if I exercise, I eat more, so I’m fucked.  Great.  I could diagnose and treat myself if they’d give me a prescription pad, for all the good these people’s college educations are doing me.

So what about the other things?  Well, the insomnia… I’ve pretty much always slept poorly.  I have a bladder disorder that makes me have to get up often at night.  I also have anxiety issues that, despite being treated for, still do make sleep an issue at times.  AND I have a 21 month old daughter who seems some nights like she’s gearing up to be a future insomniac as well.  Like this morning.  She woke up at 4am and decided she didn’t feel like sleeping anymore.  I finally got her back to sleep about 6.

Which brings me indirectly to my writer’s block.  A lot of it (most of it) is my lack of prioritizing my attempts to produce a novel over other activities (like this blog, for instance.)  Also, it’s hard to concentrate on writing when a toddler is running around causing mayhem, or even better (worse) crawling into my lap, clamoring for my attention.  I am reminded that these moments go by quickly, and I feel bad for not paying enough attention to her.  And even when she naps, I find myself either busy blogging, cleaning around the apartment, exercising, or too damn tired from not getting enough sleep to do anything!  I wanna nap with her.  Sometimes I try and am successful; oftentimes I am just drifting off when she is ready to wake up.

SO…here I am, once again NOT working on my novel.  I’m tired.  My back is sore.  The laundry needs folding and the kitchen floor needs cleaning.  And, damn but I’m hungry!

6 responses to “Insomnia, Writer’s Block, and Tape Worms

  1. I always write with jelly beans. I find that helps me. It used to be grilled cheese sandwiches, but then it was bad for my keyboard. It’s a personal choice really.

    • I wish I still smoked. I chain smoked when I wrote . It was awesome (but also bad for the keyboard.) Jelly beans…would be good but probably not help the weight loss issue. LOL

  2. Hm, can’t Insomnia make your hungry? Because you’re awake most of the time, and your body is working longer? I don’t know…

    Why not let the folding or the kitchen floor wait?

  3. Pingback: DP: Helpless? I Don’t Think So! | alienredqueen

  4. Pingback: Insomnia: The Middle of the Night | alienredqueen

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