Alright, in the spirit of “you-can’t-have-too-much-of-a-good thing” and “there’s-no-such-thing-as-bad-sex,” I’m gonna take a proverbial page from my friend Heather’s blog and give you guys my version of the “People I’d Have an Affair With” list. I highly doubt it will be as funny as Heather’s because, well, I would never have sex with a guy that had a mullet, for one. And also because at least some of the people on my list actually are good-looking and/or talented, not “unlikely” crushes… but, here goes. And don’t bother trying to blackmail me with this list at a later date, because my husband is already well aware of whose love-child I’d have and who I’d give up my alimony for.
Let’s just get the obvious out of the way right now… I asked my husband the first three names that come to mind (as to who I’d have an affair with.)
His immediate response:
1) Alexander Skarsgard- I know, shocker, right? A lot of women find him sexy. Is it sad to say I think he may even be sexier all pasty and pale like in True Blood? (And be assured, I’m too old for the “Twilight syndrome”, and I passed out of my Anne Rice phase a looong time ago.)
2) Maynard James Keenan– He’s not too hard on the eyes at all, but I am really in love with the man through his music and his voice. He’s famous, yet he’s humble, grounded, and funny.
3) Noomi Rapace (Dragon Tattoo incarnation)- Yes, I am aware she’s a chick. Fine. We can adopt our love child. That fiercely strong, smart, a gothic-punk, somehow feminine tomboy. And let’s not forget the tattoo and piercing. AND NOW she’s in Prometheus (I’m not the AlienRedQueen for nothin’.)
Funny that he didn’t even have to think about it… now I’ll add a few more you may or may not know.
4) Brandon Heat (Gungrave)– Whatever! don’t judge me! Quiet, stoic, strong. Tall, dark, and handsome. Loyal. And, eventually, the walking dead. How cool is that shit?
5) Tak Sakaguchi (Versus, Death Trance)- Okay, I admit it, I have a thing for Asian men… but this is an especially good looking Asian man, who can kick your ass, and looks good in makeup (Death Trance)
6) Chris Cornell- Soundgarden. It’s Chris Cornell, hellooo! Half of my highschool career, I drifted to sleep listening to his rich, gravelly voice on the Superunknown album. “Like Suicide?” Sure, why the hell not?
7) Marilyn Manson (the twenty-something Spooky Kids/Portrait version)- anger? check. general disdain for society and established religion? check. Platform to spew any and all profane accusations and admonishments? check. degree? actually, yes. Finally, badass tattoos, mismatched eyes and may or may not have his eyebrows on. Right fuckin- on!
Okay, so I wouldn’t really have an affair with all of these people (Maybe just the first three. And Chris Cornell.) But this kind of list is fun to do, even if you never really plan on actually straying from your marital bliss. I’m sure I could come up with all manner of names to add to the list, so I’ll leave you with just one more…
8) Tom Wlaschiha (Game of Thrones), better known as “the weird face-changing guy who always refers to himself in the third person.”
Ehhh… Maybe I just need to take more cold showers.
edit: Ooh! One more important one I thought about while lying in bed last night ~wink, wink~
8) Adrian Brody (especially the Predators version)- With his crooked-ass nose and acting skills (to some people questionable), some of you might wonder if he’s on the list because he’s “unlikely” or because I actually think he’s good-looking. I guess the short answer would be “both.” His attitude, badassery, and extremely buff but not overly bulky physique in the new Predators flick just reinforces his place on the list.