Having All Your Ducks in a Row

I’ve contemplated this post before, but I wanted photographic evidence.  I know depression and anxiety disorders can be hereditary.  My maternal grandfather often had severe depressive episodes as he aged, requiring hospitalization on more than one occasion.  My mother suffers from depression and anxiety, and I seem to have gotten a full blown anxiety disorder.  I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 12, but can recall, in retrospect, episodic evidence of the problem as early as eight years old.

My husband also has some issues with anxiety and depression, although I’d wager not all of his issues are due to chemical imbalance like mine, but also partially stem from loss and abuses he suffered in his past.

So my poor kid has got her work cut out for her.  I have often wondered and worried about if she would inherit these issues from us.  It seems possible, if not likely.

And now I have the evidence! Two years old and already obsessed with lining things up!

Hold on, don’t get your knickers in a twist.  I’m just kidding.  I know she’s likely just exhibiting normal two year old learning behavior when she lines up her little rubber ducks, or our shoes, or her diapers…  I mean, I’m assuming that’s the case, because even though I was a psych major, I didn’t study kids specifically, and as this is my first time raising an actual child (as opposed to an imaginary, fictitious, or counterfeit child,) I am learning a lot about child development as I go.

But in all seriousness…  I’m going to be watching my kid like a hawk as she grows up.  Luckily, I felt comfortable enough to talk to my Mom (who actually worked for a shrink for many years) and to her credit, she got me evaluated when she began to recognize in me patterns of obsessiveness and sadness.  I often felt abnormal and guilty.  Still, in my mind, memories of my childhood often come with a painful bittersweet twinge.  I had way more worries than a child my age should have had.  I don’t want that for my daughter, and you know what they say…forewarned is forearmed.  So as she grows, I’ll try to foster the kind of relationship where she knows she can tell me anything, no matter how weird it may seem.

Mommy’s got your back, baby girl.  I’ve got this shit under control.  I’ve got all my ducks in a row on this one!

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13 responses to “Having All Your Ducks in a Row

  1. I feel blessed to have you as my daughter and I am grateful that you feel SAFE talking to me beause that’s what’s people with OCD and anxiety need the most, to feel safe and loved. You are loved very much and “I’ve got you back baby girl.” I love you with all my heart and whether you pass this trait on or not will have no reflection of the unconditional love you give to J***. She will know this in time just like you did. XOXOXO Mom

  2. You’re right to watch, but don’t worry too much. I see some of my issues manifested in my boys, but eh–that’s life. My supposed disabilities have helped to make me the person I am today, and I’m cool with that. There is no normal life.

  3. I know someone with what sounds to me like an Aspergers child, and his dad figuratively put his fingers in his ears and went ‘nanananaicanthearyou’ when I asked if the kid had been diagnosed. He’s a good dad and helps the boy learn to cope in unique ways, but I wonder if it would be better with some professional help. Better your way!

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