Miss America the Beautiful…and Dumb

When I stepped next door to talk to the neighbor for a moment last night, I happened to catch a few minutes of what I can only assume was the swim suit portion of the Miss America competition.  A few minutes was all I needed.  Aside from frustrating me on a personal level, I was rather disgusted to note that aside from hair color and skin color, every contestant looked the same to me.  Not only is this the standard of “beauty” to which our women are being held, apparently there is only one type of beautiful woman.  Tall, slender, young, with long hair.

There is no room for curvy women, athletic women, women over 30, women with visible tattoos or stretch marks from having children, or women with short hair.

Now before you ardent pageant supporters and perfect tens protest and peg me as another bitter, overweight housewife, or something else you all deem equally unappealing, I know you all want to act like the Miss America is about “tradition” and “integrity” and all those other glorious phrases. The very first line on the Miss America website under “Miss America History” is this:

“Miss America represents the highest ideals. She is a real combination of beauty, grace, and intelligence, artistic and refined. She is a type which the American Girl might well emulate.”

But let’s call a spade a spade.  This is…a joke.

I mean, let me get this straight.  These young women, whose age and body type represent but a small fraction of the women living in America, are supposed to be my role models?

They could be a quiz on alllooksame.com.

They could be a quiz on alllooksame.com…  except, does Miss America even allow Asians, or is that a little too much diversity? EAT A DAMN SANDWICH!

~sigh~ But let’s get real.  This won’t change anytime soon, because despite their claims to elevated global and intellectual awareness, the Miss America pageants are nothing but beauty pageant masquerading as an American tradition.  I confess myself disappointed.


As to the claims that this competition is a combination of ideals of “beauty, grace, and intelligence,” I leave you with some of the dumbest things contestants have ever said:

Response to why 1/5 Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a map: “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as in, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq and everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children.”

At Miss World American 1992: “We are truly the land of the great. From the rock shores of… Hawaii… to the beautiful sandy beaches of… Hawaii… America is our home.”

Question: Would you rather be more smart, or more beautiful? “Well, I’d rather choose to be beautiful, um because, to be beautiful it’s natural. But being smart you can learn… you can learn, um a lot of things… a lot of things from the experience… you can learn from a lot of things being smart.” *You’ll note on the above quote that even the question is stupid…

Should the U.S. have universal health care as a right of citizenship? “I think this is an issue of integrity regardless of which end of the political spectrum that I stand on. I was raised in a family to know right from wrong and politics, whether or not you fall in the middle, the left or the right its an issue of integrity, no matter what your opinion is, and I say that with the utmost conviction.”  *Spoken like a true politician…

Explain the Confucius quote “Learning without thought is labor lost”:“Good evening, Panama. Confucius was one of whom invented confusion and that’s why, uhh… One of the most ancient, he was one of the Chinese…. Japanese who were one of the most ancient. Thank you.” *Oh, sweet bleeding Jesus…I mean, sweet Confuscius!

I rest my case.

14 responses to “Miss America the Beautiful…and Dumb

    • Thank you! I understand they want pretty people, but there are many beautiful women who are not necessarily stick thin, or long-haired, or in their twenties, and a lot of those women also have big beautiful brains!

  1. I feel very sorry for you that you are so insecure you have to bash what someone else likes behind a keyboard. I’m what you would call a perfect ten…. I literally have scored perfect in every category. However I was a valedictorian twice, college and high school. I also worked for the department of defense. I also keep my streamline figure in shape training for marathons and not being a fat piece of shit who sits on the computer all day. I am sorry but who are you again? You’re not Miss USA 2016 Desahauna Barber who was an army sergeant. You’re not my friend Sam who had a PhD from Harvard and almost won several Miss America state titles. You’re a sad loser. One who hides behind their keyboard and whines that people should be attracted to your type of beauty. Bad news lady, you can’t make people agree with you on what they consider attractive.

    • Oh and as I am typing this I am also eating a sandwich, Mac salad and baked beans. I am also doing these things while laughing at you in my size zero shorts.

      • Congrats. Your ass may be a size zero but it but from the way you talk, you must have a hard time fitting your enormous head through doorways. And I notice although I said nothing derogatory about these women’s bodies (except that I’d like to see more variation and diversity, because they were all the same…okay, and MAYBE the sandwich joke…no wonder you felt it necessary to regale me with your lunch menu.) That said, you went straight to attacking my looks (which, again, makes you a hypocrite, and which is really hilarious since you don’t know what I look like.) Seems to me maybe you are the one who needs to be pitied for their insecurity. Also, I hope you enjoy your beans and macaroni and whatever else. Also, choke on them. Bye now.

        Oh, and I literally have ZERO desire to be a size zero, so, there’s that…

    • It seems like you not only missed the point entirely of this post, but you’ve shown yourself a hypocrite as well, as here you sit bashing me when you admit, you don’t know me. You don’t know WHO I am or WHAT I look like, aside from what I tell you. I have two four year degrees, I own my own business, I am a wife and mother. I am a published author (aside from this blog.) Oh, and I also have won beauty contests, so you see, I have nothing to be bitter about.
      As to being insecure, you are the one who felt so triggered by this article , that you felt it necessary to ” hide behind their keyboard and whine.” I didn’t say anyone should be attracted to MY kind of beauty (not that you know what that is.) Congrats to you for being able to cite one Miss America who was an army sergeant, or your friend Sam with the PhD. I promise you, if these women are as intelligent as you say, I’d have nothing but respect for them, but your mentioning them seems more akin to a “Not all men” meme. As I said before, you clearly missed the point of the article, which is that the pageant leaves a ton to be desired in terms of diversity and requirements, (evidenced in the article by the quotes for some of the ‘brain trusts’ that have aspired to the title or been named Miss America….)

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