Why I’m not handling this well…

Every since the overturning of Roe v. Wade, and subsequent trigger laws in a myriad of states, I’ve been extremely angry, and more frustrated with the direction of this country than ever. And the worst part is that I know that the few pro-life people left in my life probably don’t understand why. Maybe they never will, and that is also extremely frustrating. I feel disrespected. I feel dismissed. I feel dehumanized. I am extremely prickly at the prospect that I literally have no choice but to be an incubator if I got pregnant now (despite my best efforts, because no birth control is 100%, but in America, only the woman carries the physical toll (as well a society’s implicit judgement) of failed prophylaxis. Which is why it infuriates me even more when pro-life men (non-uterus having men, that is to say) give their completely unwanted, tone deaf, and ultimately irrelevant opinion on the topic. It’s easy for them to dismiss our feelings and concerns and feel morally just and superior because a forced pregnancy and birth could literally never happen to them. But I’m a grown ass married woman that deserves to be able to have sex for pleasure just like men can, without the prospect of being saddled with the physical or emotional toll of carrying and birthing another child at this point in my life.) One could say I’m having a hard time with this, and if that seems like an “overreaction” or silly to the prolife people in my life, then my gut reaction is they are not friends of mine. They may think their pro-life memes are harmless because they’re not directed at anyone in particular, but the pro-choice women in your life, the women that are hurting right now, they see you. Millions of women just got told a partially formed nonviable fetus that relies on their body for continued existence is now more worthy of rights than they are and I doubt I’m the only one not taking it well.

Don’t @ me;

Nothing encapsulates the government’s priorities in America right now like the supreme court’s two most recent decisions. They struck down tougher gun regs in the wake of multiple mass shootings (the worst of which involved yet another elementary school massacre) and in the same week overturned a woman’s right to choose whether or not to carry a pregnancy to term.

I’ve carried and born a child, (sick as hell the whole pregnancy, with my health in peril. I chose it then, but I wouldn’t again; it was that bad) and I’ve lost a pregnancy, and no one but me knows what that was like for me. One was my choice, the other wasn’t. And it should never be anyone’s decision but mine. Women are not brood mares and we shouldn’t be penalized for daring to have sex. Birth control fails. What happens after that is no one’s goddamn business but mine.

Let me also say, I am a gun owner. I believe in the basic right to bear arms, but I believe it should come with restrictions and responsibilities to our fellow citizens, especially our children.

Right. But that’s too much to ask the government, particularly the Republicans pandering to the 2A nuts. Interestingly enough, the venn diagram of people who believe women should be forced to carry a pregnancy to term and people who believe in unfettered access to whatever firearms their little brains desire is damn near a complete circle. So now they will force us to have babies because “life”, so we can send them to school to get shot, because “gun rights”. You can tell exactly where the sanctity of life ends for Republicans. Fuck each and every one of you that voted in a way that allowed this to happen. I don’t care if you’re family or friends. Don’t @ me. I don’t want to hear it.

edit: 6/26/22

I’m sure tired of explaining to people the difference between being pro-life for yourself because of your beliefs, and being “pro-life” by voting to force every woman to carry an unwanted pregnancy because of your beliefs. If you don’t get why women are mad and are feeling betrayed by others celebrating this, you’re part of the problem. All these posts whining about losing friends over “politics,” you reap the consequences of your own choices and beliefs. Everyone should be pro-choice. It’s NOT pro-abortion. It means every woman makes her own choice and you mind your own damn business. If you want to argue with me about it, you’re no friend of mine because my friends care about me and respect me enough to let me make my own decisions about my body. Being pregnant was rewarding but so, so hard on me, and I’d never want to do it again. It makes me sick to think this time next year I could go to the doctor and be denied even birth control. Don’t tell me I’m over reacting. Now look at what we’ve done. By Clarence Thomas ‘s own words, they’re coming for more of our rights next.

The way some of these pro lifers are carrying on on social media about “losing friends” over roe v Wade, you’d think they were the victims. I mean if nothing had changed, and Roe v Wade stayed in place, NO ONE would be able to force them to get an abortion if they didn’t believe in it, yet they’re totally cool with doing the opposite to other women and forcing a woman to carry pregnancies now that roe is overturned, and then expect the rest of us not to be sore about it. They think it’s a goddamn “agree to disagree” situation. Naw, fuck that. If you step into my personal medical decisions by trying to codify YOUR personal beliefs, we fightin’. You tired of hearing about it? Well I’m tired of worrying about it. Guess we both have to live with it. Your feelings are hurt? Imagine how we feel!

A quick word about the sham that is the Rittenhouse trial

I’m not possessed of all the information that the jurors will be possessed of regarding the Kyle Rittenhouse trial. That said, I still can’t believe that there are people that are supporting this kid. This is not about the right to bear arms. It’s already established by law that he does not have that right, being under 18. (1) The fact that the judge tossed it out over a loophole about barrel size (2) seems ridiculous given the circumstances, specifically his going out of his way to look for trouble across state lines. A person doesn’t open carry an AR-15 if they’re not trying to make some sort of statement. He wanted his gun to be seen, and he wanted to intimidate people.

A lot of people keep trying to say this isn’t about race because the victims were white. Firstly let’s be clear, they were victims (although the judge in his infinite wisdom made the obviously biased decision to not allow them to be referred to as such, but to allow them to be referred to by such inflammatory terms as “looters” and “rioters.” I guess innocent until proven guilty doesn’t apply to protesters.) Second of all, they were BLM protesters, gathering in the wake of the Jacob Blake shooting. So that automatically takes them out of “victim” status according to a lot of these gun nuts. You don’t have to take my word for it, all you have to do is find any social media page where there are “discussions” being held about Black Lives Matter. Make no mistake, a these people support Kyle Rittenhouse because they are against BLM. No other reason. A lot of the more vocal people on the right automatically paint all BLM protesters (the majority of which are actually peaceful,) as scum, regardless of what goes on at the rally. Seriously imagine this kid was at a Kenny Chesney concert, or for that matter if the roles were reversed and he had gone across state lines with a firearm he had no right to have in his possession, looking for trouble at a alt right or Trump rally. He’d be crucified by these same people tripping over themselves to defend Kyle Rittenhouse. JS.

I’m sick of the state of this country, I’m sick of all the hate, but most of all I’m sick of the deliberate ignorance, the deliberate refusal to see the casual and systemic racism in this country simply because it paints an ugly picture, or it doesn’t affect you personally. People like this juxtapose the “I don’t see race” card with things like “heritage not hate,” and then practically froth at the mouth to keep that “heritage” and its long reaching consequences from being taught as critical race theory in schools. Well, guess what, if you want to “celebrate” your heritage, you have to acknowledge the ugly side of it. You don’t get to have it both ways.

I Don’t Know

*TW: Suicide

I need to write…but I can’t. Why is this so hard. My OCD is ratcheted way up; I’ve been struggling with resurgence of strength of symptoms for a few years now. I guess the Zoloft’s efficacy was waning so gradually I didn’t realize what was happening at first. I thought it was just like stress…namely Trump’s disastrous election to office, and all the accompanying fact deficient bullshit it’s emboldened. Existential stress over climate change and Congress’s inaction. And then the Covid pandemic that, much as some would like to pretend otherwise, is STILL going on, and is quite serious. Worries about my daughter’s safety in a red state, the majority of whose politicians and residents have bucked every safety, mask, and vaccine mandate, whenever possible, despite their relatives and friend dying in record numbers. Money woes, because it feels like one step forward, two steps back so much of the time. When I finally accepted that it wasn’t getting better, I started working with a new doctor to change medications and get me back to an “even” keel. Anyone who has been treated long term for anxiety is probably familiar with the ebbs and flows of these particular afflictions. And the rollercoaster that is “Med changes.”

See, this isn’t what I intended to write about. It just seemed worth mentioning that I’ve already been struggling a bit with my own personal demons. I’m not trying to whine, because I don’t need validation. I’m just setting up the background, so to speak. Because I’ve been feeling ill in one way or another for at least three months. UTI. Sinus infection. Something that feels like GERD or an ulcer, for the past month and a half that persists despite RX strength medical intervention. The chest pain was such that I would have thought it was my heart (heart issues are a family legacy and thus always in the back of my mind whenever I get chest pain) if not for the belching that accompanied it so frequently.

And then about three weeks ago my mother committed suicide. It’s hard to write about, and not just because it’s still fresh. There’s a stigma to suicide. It’s not something you tell everyone, and naturally people’s first response when you mention your mother has “passed” is condolences. Well meant and appreciated, but also uncomfortable, because you want to explain to them, yes it sucks, but it sucks even more than they realize, because of HOW she went…what she did to herself. But that’s not something you just blurt out to anybody. It’s “private.” Both because society says it’s “supposed” to be, and because you’re still trying to convince yourself it happened some days. Sometimes multiple times in the same day. You say it in your head over and over again, trying to wrap your mind around it. “My mother killed herself.” And then when you do tell someone the quiet part, the “taboo” secret, the next predictable reaction is an uncomfortable sympathy that comes with an implicit idea that she was just another victim of suicidal depression. And she was. But…but they don’t know about the manipulation and the lashing out, the years and years you’ve suffered as a result of her mental issues, all while still trying to manage your own shit. They don’t know that her final act seemed not just one of desperation but one of vindictiveness, and it breaks your heart. And you feel guilty telling them anything about that, because it feels like badmouthing. It feels like “speaking ill of the dead.” But it’s just the truth.

“Were you close?” What difference does it make? My mother killed herself. Besides, how do I answer that. We talked all the time. We also argued all the time. I worried about her. I needed “breaks” from her. I tried to help her, but she couldn’t help herself.
“Why?” Why does anybody do this sort of thing? Why are you asking me???

“It’s not your fault.” No it’s not. Intellectually I know it. Emotionally I’m still not sure how much that matters.

How much information is too much? What’s mine to keep and mine to give away (because I have to have respect for my sister’s privacy as well as mine?) Then there’s the constant push and pull of me grilling myself over what my motivations are for talking about this. I don’t want to be one of those people that talks about things for attention. And I don’t want to be the gossipy topic of other people’s discussions either, but still that mantra in my head “My mother killed herself” and some times it feels like it’s screaming to get out.

And when it’s complicated with family drama and bad feelings, then you get to hear other people (namely other family members) opinions about “why” they think it happened, and who they blame. I try to remind myself they are also grieving, but then I get pissed. She was MY MOTHER. I lived with her for almost twenty years before moving out. And even when they manage not to piss me off, I feel like I have to console their grief as well. And it’s exhausting. I want to be selfish. The only person I don’t seem to mind “consoling” and commiserating with is my sister. And she’s the only relative whose opinion I care to hear about Mom’s death, because she’s been through the shit with me. We aren’t close, but she knows all the facts leading up to Mom’s death, the good, bad, and the ugly. And some of it was really ugly. But I can’t talk about that yet.

We still haven’t had a memorial, because the funeral home is so backed up with COVID deaths that her ashes will take some time to process. And when I do have to go “home” for the service, it’s entirely possible I’ll lose my shit on the next relative that gives me an unsolicited opinion about my mother’s death.

Aside from any attending guilt over my mothers suicide, I also have this guilt about not doing things. Not using my talents. Not writing. Not drawing. But the anxiety I feel when I think about starting a new writing or art project is immobilizing. I have even stopped taking clients (dog training) for an indefinite period of time. Sometimes I feel immobilized by choices, caught between two choices. Even simple ones. Which show to watch. Should I write about this? What to title it. Sometimes I just force myself to make a choice. That’s why the title of this post is “I Don’t Know”. Because I fucking don’t, but I know if I just sit here worrying over a title, I’ll never write the post. I know some of this is a symptom of my anxiety disorder. The indecision. The anxiety about decisions. That’s normal, but lately I’m in a fairly constant state of low grade anxiety. It’s always there, thrumming in my body like a low note plucked on a string instrument, or an electric current through powerlines. Sometimes I just force myself to make a choice and I tell myself it doesn’t matter which choice I make, as long as I make one. I can’t sit here immobilized forever.

The term “cancel culture” can die now.

Apparently the right’s big strategy for the 2024 election is going to be Dr Seuss, Mr Potato Head, and voter suppression. The worst part is, lately people are simple and petty enough that it might work.Now I’m seeing conservatives post things about Aunt Jemima and how “liberal bedwetters” are taking away her legacy or something because product packaging is changing. Tell me a single conservative knew a god DAMNED thing about this woman or gave a damn about her until, the company decided to take her face off the product. The story about the Aunt Jemima character is mostly fiction, by the way. Now that they can use it as something to piss and moan and blame liberals about, suddenly they care about this long dead, black woman’s legacy? All the while still making excuses for why it’s not a problem black people are still getting shot by cops every other week. This whole thing is getting ridiculous, but the WORST part of this whole thing is watching these whiny ass Republicans that have been canceling people who didn’t toe their line for years, but suddenly have a problem with cancel culture when it suits their need to fire up their base. Remember when Sinead O’Connor got canceled because she ripped up a Bible on stage? Remember the Dixie Chicks got a little too political and the Republicans made sure they got canceled too.But apparently canceling people for making racist remarks or getting caught having been sexually inappropriate to somebody is too much for them. Remember Kaepernick? I know you remember him because half of you were bitching and moaning about it yourselves, like him kneeling for the national anthem was the literal end of the world, and worth ruining his whole career over. But now y’all are butt hurt about cancel culture? I say this with every fiber of my soul, and without a shred of doubt…go fuck yourself.

“Oh no, liberals are trying to cancel dogs!”

Some of the cats I have loved

These two cats are roughly the same age. The only difference I know of is that the big 15 pound hoss on the left was found when he was about eight weeks old, (a month after the little 9 pound guy on the right, who was an itty bitty four or so weeks old when we found him in our bushes.) So when we found Walnut, Momo was already eight weeks old and they were roughly the same size. There are a lot of unfixed cats, with new litters every year. I can think of two homes right now the road that seem to have new kittens every year, so it’s not even out of the realm of possibility that they are related, since I found them both in spitting distance from my home.

I suspect despite my best efforts with the kitten replacement milk, that those four weeks are a huge part of the reason for their size difference. 💜 I just hope Momo didn’t suffer any developmental issues with his organs. Heart problems are already very common in cats, and is what took at least two of my last the kitties. As any cat lover can attest to, loving cats is a crapshoot. You never know how long you have with them. Not three months before we found the first of the kittens, we had adopted Newt from our local shelter, through Petsense. Initially she was sweet but very…bitey. Easily overstimulated. My poor kid was in tears because she got mauled every time she tried to love the cat. But when Momo came to live with us, that changed a lot. Newt took to “motherhood” with gusto, alternately grooming the little guy and kicking the crap out of him, and Walnut fit right into the little family when he came along. It was like suddenly, she had a place for all her…excess energy. They all love one another.

And the really cool thing about these cats is they each seen to have at least part of the personality of our last three. Walnut is the most like my beloved Methos. He’s big and pushy, super loveable, and delightfully weird. He’s figured out how to work the ice dispenser on the fridge and he plays fetch with the ice. Momo is my standoffish, skittish little puker, like our Bengal, Chloe, was. We had her nine years, from the time she was 3 years old, and she only really started to chill out enough to seek out our company in the last 3 years of her life (she’d had a rough start to life, passing between several owners, one of which had declawed her, to my horror). And much to my constant irritation, she was forever looking for the most inconvenient place to puke…like the Playstation for example. And Newt, the oldest, the one adopted from our local Petsense, is the most like Evangeline, my first cat as an adult living on my own. I lovingly refer to her as “my old lady cat.” You know, grouchy but dignified and generally loveable. Each of these new cats have brought joy to our lives, and having then around has been like having a little bit of our dearly departed kitties still in our daily lives. Sometimes I say it’s like we got the same three cats, only reincarnated. I’m half joking but it’s a comforting thought. Either way, I love them for both who they are and who they might be.

Gizmo aka Momo approx 4 weeks (2018)
Walnut (approx 8 weeks 2018)
Newt, Walnut, and Gizmo

Facebook mods “cancel” any remaining integrity

So I just came off a three day ban for this post. Facebook called it “hate speech”. oh the irony, that one of the very people that I was talking about in the post, privileged people that complain about cancel culture whenever other people are caught being racist or sexist or otherwise inappropriate,( you know the same ones that call everyone else snowflakes) was probably who reported me for this post. So they were trying to cancel my post about cancel culture? 🤣 That part’s kind of funny, but what really pisses me off is that for the last four and a half years Facebook has made money off of allowing White supremacists and ALT right news to proliferate on their site. They’ve done fuck all to curb it, or the blatant racism feed lies these groups espouse, and in the past have allowed that outright violent rape threats did NOT violate their TOS (I know this from personal experience, and I know other women who have experienced the same) and they’re part of the reason we ended up with Trump in office. Now-NOW -they’re trying to shut the Barn door after the horses are already out, and they’re censoring people for mild shit like this if some butthurt snowflake reports it. Convenient FB should cover their asses now by stifling people like me, who actually demand culpability for hate speech from those who defend it by making excuses like ” cancel culture.” My best guess is because my post said “white” people, although I don’t consider holding a demographic responsible for their privilege the same as hate speech; it’s just a fact that Cis white people have privilege in America that people of color and other minorities don’t, so what others view as consequences, people of privilege view as “political correctness” or “cancel culture.” It’s a refrain that I, as a privileged white person myself, I’m tired of hearing, so I know that other people born with less privilege have to be tired of hearing it too. For my part, I’m going to keep trying to be an ally to the marginalized and use my own privilege for any good I can, and I’m thinking to try to be humble when someone calls me on my own unintended slights. In sorry, I am going to keep being my loud, outspoken, pain in the ass self, Facebook mods be damned.

Edit: 3/23 My friend had an anti- Nazi post banned because it drew uncomfortable parallels to modern white supremacy. Let that sink in. An ANTI Nazi / white supremacy post got him in trouble with fb mods

The Road Back to Hell- A few words on Marilyn Manson

TW: This article refers to discussions and allegations of sexual abuse

Given my love of Marilyn Manson, which I’m sure I’ve expressed at some point on this blog over the years, I thought I’d make a short statement, forever whoever cares to read it. An open letter, if you will. I don’t intend to speak on the specific allegations themselves. The details are out there for anyone who wants to dig them up, but I did want to briefly address my own feelings on the topic.

I used to LOVE Manson when I was younger. Still love his older music. Portrait of an American family and Antichrist Superstar were a huge part of the soundtrack of my formative years. So I can’t tell you how disappointed I am since I learned of all these allegations. He definitely has had his “extreme” moments in the past, some of which you might have seen if you had ever watched the video from the Dead to the World tour, or read his supposed biography The Long Hard Road out of Hell. Reading that, it was clear he himself had endured his own trauma and abuse as a kid. Once he broke into more mainstream notice, his music was raw and angry, his persona seemingly carefully cultivated to antagonize the status quo. But I always defended him to my parents, and his other detractors, as an intelligent, evocative, but generally misunderstood artist. Maybe he used to be. Now it seems he’s just the garden variety dirtbag everyone always thought he was, and that fucking sucks.

Obviously most of my sympathies are saved for the women that had to endure any abuse at his hands, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel sorry for fans like myself, because his music meant a lot to us. After all, how can you identify with someone railing against the status quo, when they just end up being another abuser and oppressor themselves? Some of us are completely able to compartmentalize and separate an artist from their art, but for many of us, we feel like we get to know a piece of that person and we identify not just with their message, but with the feeling that they’re saying it out of a sense of genuineness. In short, we have someone to commiserate with, someone with a real voice, whom we feel understands what we’re feeling inside as well. This news and these allegations chip away at that feeling of genuineness that Manson had.

I’ve also read interviews with Trent Reznor regarding Manson. Reznor produced/worked on some of Manson’s earlier albums, Portrait of an American Family, and Antichrist Superstar. He said that at the time Manson was not like this, but was rather very driven, and once described Manson as “the smartest person in the room”, but that later on he became a “malicious guy who would step on anyone’s face” to get ahead, and that drugs and alcohol had turned him into a ” dopey clown.” Reznor himself cut ties with Manson some 20 years ago. Given the conflicting stories of people that have dated him and worked with him, I’m inclined to think that the fame that he worked so hard for, coupled with the drug and alcohol abuse, corrupted him and brought out his darker tendencies. It’s really a shame, honestly. But it’s even more sad for the women that had the unfortunate luck to be in his path of destruction.

Some of Manson’s exes, most notably Dita Von Teese and Rose McGowan, have come out with statements in support of the victims, but have also denied that Manson was ever abusive during their relationships. They acknowledge that has no bearing on the abuse allegations, but rather were attempting to assuage their own fans’ concerns for their well-being.

Image courtesy of Yahoo

My hope for the people that have been affected by his behavior is that they find peace and healing and that Manson faces some accountability, whether it’s personal or legal. My hope for Manson himself is that he has a personal reckoning, and not only realizes that his behavior in the past decade has cheapened his once important message, but that he needs counseling to find himself again. I further hope he does the right thing, sacks up, and take responsibility for whatever he’s done, and that he finds it in himself to seek forgiveness and make amends to those people that he hurt.

And just in case it’s still not clear throughout this whole article, I stand with Evan Rachel Wood. I believe women. I just wanted to address my own personal feelings on the matter, as irrelevant as they may in the grand scheme of things, because I know that there’s got to be other people feeling the same thing- the disappointment- and acknowledge the fact that scandals like this by influential celebrities and artists have far-reaching consequences, as Manson’s finding out now after losing all of his contracts and gigs.

EDIT: 2/9

Since the writing of this post I have read further accounts of alleged misconduct; that’s really not even strong enough a word, but again, I don’t intend to go into details here, because the allegations themselves aren’t really what I’m trying to convey. What I read dated back to incidents in 1995 and potentially occurred with minors. I am so disappointed and so disgusted. He has apparently always been a damaged person, which is really not so surprising given his lyrical content, however, I used to believe his turmoil was expressed THROUGH his music. Obviously given the breadth and variety of types of music, I would never say you could judge a musician solely by lyrical content. I have heard people make remarks regarding Manson’s victims like, “What did they expect, if they ever listened to his music?” Aside from being a particularly shitty example of victim blaming, it’s a ridiculous fallacy. Lyrics are expressive, sometimes literal, but more often hyperbolic. Manson’s lyrics were often very evocative and definitely hyperbolic, but they also betrayed truths about him. More than once, he made not so oblique references to childhood trauma he had suffered.

“Toys all smell like children
And the scab-knees will obey
I’ll have to kneel on broomsticks
Just to make it go away,”
Kinderfeld, Marilyn Manson

These lyrics were a direct reference to the punishment he often incurred from his grandparents if he broke any rules.

I don’t bring this up to defend him or in any way excuse what he did. My only point is there is often symbolism in music and listeners can never be sure whether they are hearing a evocative symbol used to express a theme (heartache, betrayal, pain, etc) or an actual event.

Regardless, I feel silly saying this but I’ll say it anyway because I know in my heart I am not the only person who feels this way. I am mourning my loss of who I thought he was, of the extremely nostalgic emotions his music evokes for me, of his decency. Mostly I am afraid I will never be able to fully enjoy his music again. Maybe that sounds selfish in light of what his victims have gone through but I’m not the kind of person who feels like painful experiences are a competition. I don’t see anything wrong with acknowledging the effect music, and by extension musicians, have on some people. People have long mourned deeply the loss of musicians that meant a lot to them, even the flawed ones (and some were more flawed than a lot of people realized.) John Lennon, Patsy Cline, Janis Joplin, Kurt Cobain, David Bowie, and far far too many more to mention. Obviously I’m not mourning a literal death, but it’s still a loss. Even if it’s just the loss of enjoyment of the music of one artist, it feels a little like I lost a piece of my past.

Exhaling Out the Last Four Years

I feel lighter than I have in…four years. And I’m trying to be ready to just dismiss all the conspiracy theorist, Cult 45 nutbags, and stop allowing them to bait me, to stop trying engage them with logic they clearly don’t care about. Because for the next four years at least, I no longer HAVE to acknowledge them. They can scream their displeasure into the void for all I care. That said…

I keep seeing comments and posts from conservatives, Trumpers specifically, talking about all the awful hateful things they hope for Biden voters now, how they hope we lose our pensions or our homes, or whatever, now that Biden’s in office. These are the same people that expected us to accept Trump as president. They spent four years calling us snowflakes, libtards, and saying fuck our feelings. But as shortly as a few days, ago after the attack at the Capitol, many of them were calling for unity, and yet now I’ve already seen the phrase “not my president” in regards to Biden. The thing about Biden is, you don’t have to like him, but he’s not going to waste 4 years of his presidency trying to only help himself, trying to rile up his base, or pad his pockets and the pockets of his lobbyist friends. Biden’s going to implement programs that are going to benefit the environment, education, international policy, and everybody, Democrat and Republican alike, and try to undo some of the damage Trump has done to our country and its reputation in the world stage. But the fact that there is so many supposedly grown ass self-proclaimed Christian adults walking around telling people that they wish bad things for them is disgusting, and it’s ubiquitous. I’ll admit, I initially felt that way when Trump got elected. I was angry, but NOT because he was a Republican. It was his character, or lack thereof, because I knew what it would mean for the US, specifically minorities, if he got elected. And here four years later we’re ALL reaping what Trump voters sowed.

But honestly, I’m just glad that he’s finally gone, and I want all of us to move forward and benefit from Biden’s tenure. The worst part is no matter what good Biden does in office, these people will never see it, because they’ve never been capable of admitting the damage that Trump did. You know what I wish? Now the only people I wish to suffer for what happened the last four years are Trump and his predatory enablers in Congress. And what I want for them is ACCOUNTABILITY with the law, in full view of the public. I want accountability for the media that fed lies that encouraged and resulted in the capital insurrection. Finally I suggest if you have any friends that are saying hateful things like this that you reevaluate your friendship with them, because clearly they’re bitter and mean spirited. It’s highly probable that after they cool off in a few weeks or months they might go back to being the semi-normal people you thought you knew and they’ll try to downplay their role in this divisiveness. I can’t speak for you but while I won’t say I wish them hardship, I sure as shit am not going to forget how they acted, and what they allowed to happen.

*Edit: I have nothing but respect for people who can grow and learn and realize when they’ve made a mistake. For anybody looking to leave hate and extremism behind, here’s a resource a friend shared with me.