Why Is This Still A “Discussion?”

Why is this still a discussion? I’m talking about women’s rights; more specifically, a woman’s “right to choose.”  Right to choose.  Let’s think about that for a minute.  It seems almost nonsensical.  “Choice” about our bodies, our families, our lives… that’s a no-brainer right?  We get to decide what we want as long as it doesn’t infringe on someone else’s rights.  There is no debate or discussion.

Except when it comes to a woman’s right to terminate a pregnancy.  Then all of a sudden, money and religion and morals all make an appearance in the discussion.  We’re divided into camps, and people who believe inthe right to choose are often labeled as “pro-abortion.”  NO ONE is “pro” abortion, okay?  Abortion is not “good.” It never will be “good”, but the alternative is worse.  Forcing a woman to carry an unwanted pregnancy to term, which is very much both a physical and emotional experience, for better or worse… Forcing a woman to lose AUTONOMY over her own body…. that’s a nightmare… and if men had a REAL chance of getting pregnant and being forced carry an unwanted pregnancy to term, this conversation “America” is having about women’s rights would be going a LOT differently.

SO here are a few key points to remember, based on “arguments” that are regurgitated over and over again.

1.) “My tax dollars shouldn’t go to-”

*SLAP*

Tax dollars going towards reproductive services and health clinics do not go to abortions except in cases of rape or other sexual abuse. Also, seems to me, people are pretty selective about bitching when it comes to their tax dollars.  We as tax paying individuals will never get to decide where each cent of our taxes go, regardless of how we vote, so we might as well get over that now.

2) “Well, a woman does have a choice…to use protection or not have sex.”

Let’s address this at its most base level.  It’s sanctimonious, hypocritical bullshit.

ONE EITHER HAS FREEDOM OF CHOICE OR NOT.

Firstly, yes, there is a choice. and if she “chooses” to make it after conception, she is still taking responsibility for the decision.  It IS a personal choice, and it may be informed by her family or religion but it is on HER and only her to bear the physical and emotional burden of a pregnancy or an abortion, so it is her decision and hers alone. When we talk about “responsibility” in terms of “keeping one’s pants up” not only is that not realistic, but it’s not anyone else’s place to decide how someone else practices “responsibility.” What if both sexual partners thought they were being responsible but a condom broke or some other unforseen circumstance happened…?  Whatever the reason one might choose to terminate a pregnancy, whether because they do not want children or it’s not the right time in their life, or whatever, is irrelevant. The reason there was an unwanted pregnancy in the first place doesn’t really matter. ONE EITHER HAS FREEDOM OF CHOICE OR NOT and this goes with any life choice.  We do not get to decide the circumstances in which one has freedom to choose.  Then it’s not really freedom is it?

3) To the assertion that women and men ARE equal, and have equal choice to practice safe sex or to abstain completely…

No, the choice beforehand is NOT the same. When the consequences are the same, then the choice is the same.   No offense, because I do respect my male friends and fellow bloggers, but unless a male is willing to go get snipped so he can NEVER EVER concievably contribute to a woman wanting or needing an abortion and not being able to have one, I don’t want to hear his opinion on this issue, because it’s not real for him. There is NO possibility he would ever be able to be forced to carry a pregnancy so he has no idea how the idea of losing autonomy over one’s body is terrifying.   

If you think the government treats men and women the same, you are basically exhibiting your privilige. When was the last time the government told a man what he could or couldn’t do with his dick (aside from the obvious like laws protecting children and animals from abuse, etc?) If men could get pregnant, you could get an abortion at a McDonald’s drive thru because no man would deign to be told what he could or couldn’t do with his own body. To continue this converation with you playing the “whataboutmen” card will get us nowhere. Men’s choices are not at risk here.

To be clear, and before the argument is broached, we’re not talking about the possibility of monetary consequences (usually for the male), like forced child support, as a consequence for an unwanted pregnancy.  We are talking about bodily autonomy.  If we don’t own our bodies, what do we own? 

And finally,

4) “You’re killing an innocent (or various variations of this argument.)

Let me reiterate.  Abortion will never be “good.”  Sometimes there is no “good” choice, just a choice.  I do not know if I could ever have an abortion, but I will fight with every breath my right and other women’s right to CHOOSE for themselves should the need ever arise.  As to the fetus’s “rights,” even if a fetus had rights, where is the justice in taking the rights of one to give to another?  A woman, living, breathing, self-sustaining, outside of the womb, loses her right to make a life-changing decision about her body in deference to a non-viable fetus that is non-cognizant?  I just can’t make that decision for anyone else.

Anyway, I am actually exhausted over this topic. Two posts and I have nothing more to give. I just keep saying the same thing.  So, readers, you are welcomed to comment, but keep it civil, and just know I have no more desire to “discuss” this, because discussion implies a debate or a consesus needing to be reached…  To me, it shouldn’t even be a discussion.  

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Rainbow

I was accosted approached by yet ANOTHER set of Mormon missionaries, this time boys instead of the usual pairs of “God Girls” we always get at our complex.  They approached me while I was taking Malachi out. I thought, “here we go again,” but as I am incapable of being rude, (hard to believe, I know) I asked them to allow me to put the dog back inside and then I returned with doo doo bags.   Then they watched me clean up dog shit and tried to get me to listen to them recite all the stock lines I have heard before from these people a million times…  I wonder if it was as awkward for them as it was me, as I scooped up ginormous dog poo with my bag-covered hand.

“I know this to be the truth…”
“Yes,” I explained as patiently as I could, “but I like things like empiracal data and evidence.”  I left out the part about how I could believe in purple unicorns that fart rainbows and “know it to be the truth,” but that wouldn’t, in fact, make ot true.  But instead I asked them if science and their religion were mutually exclusive, as often seems to be the case, depending on who you ask.  And although they said no, that both science and religion were one half of a whole picture (one winked first one eye and then the other to demonstrate monocular vision, just in case I was especially slow, I guess) and then earnestly told me, “but I think the big bang theory is a little far-fetched.”  To my credit, I stifled my laugh…mostly, but I did tell him I felt the same way about the creationist idea of God basically whipping the earth into existence in seven days.

But what really killed me was that as they tried to get me to open my mind and heart or whatever to their God, I happened to look in the distance and saw a beautiful post storm rainbow.  I drew their attention to it, saying something like, “how beautiful,” and they  barely glanced over their shoulders, and without even breaking stride (they must have thought I had some sort of attention deficit)  turned back to me and continued their spiel, indifferent to the natural beauty that their wondrous God had presumably made (eh hem…)

Clearly they rehearse all of their lines and answers very well, it seems as if any deviation in their train of thought derails the whole damn thing.  I ended the conversation like I always do.  “You are welcome to come ‘talk’ to me (they always ask), have coffee, pet the dog… but I don’t wish to be converted”.  Then they always offer their help should we ever “need anything.”

They try SO hard to be nice and accessable, but as they always say the same things… I mean almost the exact same things… you know it must be in some Mormon handbook or something.  It feels so false.  It feels like when I sold supplemental insurance and had to make cold calls.  We had scripts for how to turn a ‘no’ into a ‘yes.’  I sucked at it, by the way.  But these people, it feels like there is nothing behind those luke-warm smiles and offers of “help.”

Pod people, I tell you.

 

The Bern VS Corporate Socialism

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omg yasss…
Can we please start putting the blame where it belongs? Most of the poor aren’t lazy welfare bums. Being poor isn’t fun, and if some poor people “game” the system, it’s because you have to be SO poor to qualify for help that if you make a tiny bit “too much” money or you work a few extra hours to get ahead, you are actually penalized for it by losing benefits, thus you can actually still be too poor to live properly but “not poor enough” to get any help.
 
Being barely above poverty level ourselves, I can say I am extremely grateful for the Medicaid expansion under Obamacare (sorry if that pisses off some people). The poor are not the problem. The problem is not “liberals and socialists.” The problem is that the capitalism (the “innovation that made America great?”) Ayn Rand wrote about is now out of control in this country.  The American Dream is defunct.  Big businesses, including drug companies and insurance companies, charge insane markups on necessary commodities and the rest of us have no choice but to pay them or go into hock trying.  People die for not being able to afford proper healthcare.
The American Dream is a national ethos of the United States, the set of ideals (Democracy, Rights, Liberty, Opportunity, and Equality) in which freedom includes the opportunity for prosperity and success, and an upward social mobility for the family and children, achieved through hard work in a society with few barriers. In the definition of the American Dream by James Truslow Adamsin 1931, “life should be better and richer and fuller for everyone, with opportunity for each according to ability or achievement” regardless of social class or circumstances of birth.  (source)
It’s cute that some people still believe this is possible for everyone.  In my personal experience, it’s the put-upon white “middle class” that are the worst about this.   They aren’t rich enough to live in comfortable denial like the 1%, but they have had just enough white privilege in their lives (which they almost never acknowledge as such) to not be aware how hard it is for other people.  The crux of the issue is the last phrase… “regardless of social class or circumstances of birth.”
I say this in full realization that I, myself, was born into a white middle class.  All my life I had the idea of go to college—> get good job—> live comfortably pounded into my head.   I used to also believe that welfare was for lazy bums and Ebony magazine was “racist.”
And then I had all the self-righteousness of my twenties knocked out of me when my husband and I lost just about everything in 2009.  At the time, I had a double BS…and couldn’t find anyone willing to pay me more than eight dollars an hour, even for work related to my hard-earned degrees.  I was bouncing back and forth between waitressing jobs, but my husband was working, making great money, at a powerplant.  And then it all imploded.
I know how fast it can happen, and it can and does happen to people who work hard, “climb the social ladder,” and then get jackbooted off the ladder by some higher-up who wants to hire a newbie they can mold for half the salary.  A friend once asked me, why shouldn’t an employer want to pay someone less to do the same job?  It makes fiscal sense for their business.  Maybe it does, but that basically means also acknowledging that company loyalty and “working your way up” mean nothing, and loyalty to employees is often non-existant.
In many ways, we are moving backwards in this country.  The very unapologetic racism of Donald Trump, an actual “serious” candidate for our nation’s highest office, is evidence of that.  He has given back the voice to the bigots of this country.  Now they are still bigots, but unapologetically so, and they call the rest of us “bleeding heart liberals” and the like.  They don’t even feel the need to hide their hate anymore.  They don’t care about the poor, refugees, minorities, or anyone else that affect their bottom line or would require they no longer have the social upper-hand in this country.  Frankly, it’s embarrassing.
Anyway, I’m almost sure some angry right winger will stumble across this and want to argue, tell me I know nothing, decry my “silly liberaism.”  I really no longer care what these people have to say.  I am sick of the “whataboutme?” attitude in this country.  I am sick of the mean-spiritedness and lack of compassion and empathy.   This is me venting about it.  Please feel free to comment, just don’t expect a reply.  I haven’t the energy to argue today.  Rather, I guess now that this is out of my system, I have better things to do.
Peace.
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See? We already ARE socialists…just not the right kind. 

 

Too Much Sex?

Surely, you jest.

I came (no pun intended) across this article,

“21 People Confess The Problems With Having Too Much Sex,”

in my Facebook newsfeed earlier today, and thought it was pretty goofy.  Some of these statements are funny.  Some are just sad.  But none of them should be taken seriously, (although I’m 100% sure some of these people were serious when they said these things…)  But I thought it might be fun and different to answer some of these “confessions” with my own thoughts on the subject, also not to be taken too seriously…  Especially given the fact that I routinely tease hubby about what his buddies at work would say if he complained to them that he has to have too much sex.

SO without further ado…

My thoughts on some of these “Whisper ” confessions about sex…

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Confession

Does your girlfriend know this?  Because you might want to give her a chance to me on top once in a while.  Just sayin’.

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Confession

Gonna make it hard to figure out who gave you that raging case of syphillis…

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Confession

Here’s what you do; this is an easy fix, and your sex life will thank you as well as which ever one of you washes the sheets.  Get a towel, and you can get them over-sized, to lay down on the bed.  We have one.  We call it, “the sexy-time towel,” and we only need to wash that most times. *wink*

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Confession

This is not a problem. Seriously… Just tell your s/o you’re in the mood to play Call of Duty, or whatever, with him.  Just this once, he may actually not be too disappointed.  But don’t take it personally.

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Confession

I get it.  I know it sounds like a double standard, but given the generally agreed to stereotype that men are slavering beasts who always want sex, and once you get married, the husband practically has to beg for it, when a husband complains about too much sex, us women find it a bit unsulting at the very least, and in some cases, even highly suspect.

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Confession

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Confession

In all seriousness, it doesn’t sound like sex is your problem. Communication is.  And if all else fails, nothing kills the mood like the loud and ernest declaration that “my junk is raw!”

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Confession

We wish you were too.

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Confession

Uh…you may be doing it wrong…

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Confession

You should tell that to your potential employers at all of your interviews. You’ll be a shoe-in for that job.

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Confession

I’m sure he’d love to hear that.  Go ahead and tell him.  You may shortly be off the hook, because he’ll probably never get a hard-on again if his only option is pity sex.

What are your thoughts on these sex confessions?  Do you have any “dirty little secrets” of your own?   I’m sure we all do, really.  I do.  But you’ll never see them online, that’s for damn sure.  Happy reading, all!

 

Another Look at the ‘War on Religion’

Inspired by some ridiculous Ben Stein meme containing more of the popular “I’m a poor repressed religious person in America” crap, I decided to do some quick research. It took all of two minutes to see if, in fact, religions were being scarce in the US.  If you look at the chart in this link, (the source of which is Wikipedia) America is still mostly religious people, mostly still Abrahamic…the religions have just shifted. The number who identify with no religion have grown, but are still only 16% of the total US population.   So really if I hear one more repressed [Christian/religious person] whine I might. Just. Explode.

You know, Ben, I was with you on the Christmas tree thing.  Who cares what they call them? I am an atheist, however if someone wishes me a Merry Christmas, I quite heartily wish them the same.  We still celebrate the love and family and spirit of Christmas season and put up a Christmas tree in our home.  (Did you know the Christmas tree was actually a pagan symbol of Yule anyway?)  I don’t care who erects a nativity scene or who has a Menorah on display.

What I take issue with is the assertion that you are “pushed around” because of your religion; it sounds kind of like so many sour grapes that religion is no longer top dog in public arenas (schools, etc) in America.  That’s about as bad as saying white people are tired of being “pushed around” by affirmative action. They just hate that the status quo is changing and it’s no longer acceptable to force others to conform to their way of life.

Stein allegedly claims:

” I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country.”

As to the  “decline (1)” in Christianity in the past few years, it has dropped from 78% to a “paltry” 71% .  *sniff*  My heart breaks for your plight.

The United States still remains home to more Christians than any other nation, with roughly seven-in-ten continuing to identify with some branch of Christianity.

The fact that the majority of Americans still identify as Christian does not, however, negate the idea that the church is not supposed to have a role in government. What I would tell Ben is, this whole country is neither atheist NOR Christian. It’s SUPPOSED to be free.

Not even gonna touch the idea that disasters happen because we “took God out of schools.” That is utter, baseless tripe. There have always been natural disasters. Used to be “God had a plan” or “the devil” caused the disasters. There always WILL be disasters, only you want to tell me now it’s because not everyone wants to have to pray to your God in school?

As to in very transparent inference that kids have no morals without religion, that is also so much bullshit. You don’t “need” God for morals. You need compassion and empathy, and plenty of people have God and still no morals, just a fear of the “consequences” of afterlife. If you ask me, THAT is what’s missing in todays’s society. CONSEQUENCES.

Okay, anyway, I know I’ve written about this before, but I guess it always gets me stoked up again to see people passing this shit around, all like:

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No!  And even a billion people “liking” it won’t make it true.   

This article could be so much longer, but I will end with this:

Can you pray in peace?  Can you worship in public? Do you have to worry about being arrested or killed or harmed by identifying yourself as religious?

Okay, so stop whining.

Oh, and hope everyone had a Merry Christmas.😉

 

 

In Which I Tear Apart A Terrible Editiorial on Relationships

Or, alternate title being: “This bitch does not know what she is talking about…”
Below are a few quoted selections from the article, but you can read it in its “brilliant” entirety here.

QUOTE: “‘…euphoria’ doesn’t mean unrealistic romantic bliss. It just means your stomach flips every time you see your SO (significant other). “
Actually, in the context you JUST described, your second sentence pretty much directly contradicts your first; it exactly means “unrealistic romantic bliss.”
Let’s take a minute to disect just a few more of the unconstructive and inaccurate statements in this article and pray you never end up with a job being the next Dr. Ruth.
QUOTE: “Being happy means being unable to imagine a life without your significant other; being comfortable means not caring.
When you’re truly happy, you cannot imagine your life without this other person.”
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Um, no.
Not even.
You can feel all of those those things and not be happy. It’s called co-dependency.
QUOTE: “When you’re comfortable, that feeling of safety is similar to that of boredom. The feeling isn’t draining, and it isn’t toxic; it’s vanilla, bland and homogenous.”
In reality, happiness and comfort can and often do come together.

I still get butterflies with my husband sometimes. It comes down to mood and frame of mind. I also can get that euphoric feeling of when we just met if I think back and remember those times. But I also feel a deeper love seated in comfort, security, and respect.

A relationship can get complacent, but that has as much to do with taking a SO for granted and getting complacent in how you treat your SO daily as anything else. However, many people DO get stuck in boring relationships because they don’t have the strength to get out. This article almost makes it seem like it’s a “natural” mistake “many” people make.  But that only makes them victims of themselves.

And the passage on sex… Jesus. Are you married? Are you IN a longterm relationship.

QUOTE: “Sex in a happy relationship is truly incredible. The orgasms are more intense and even more fulfilling than they are in a loveless relationship. Sex becomes about so much more than two people physically connecting; it brings two souls as close together as they can possibly be…

On the other hand, when you’re just comfortable, you’re f*cking for the purpose of getting off quickly and efficiently. It’s a race to orgasm. It’s about nothing more than physical satisfaction.”

Any person who is in a long term relationship, happily even, will tell you…
Sex is always different. I have been married 6 years, with my husband a total of 11. Sex is sometimes slow and romantic, sometimes passionate and erotic.  Sometimes, we are just horny and we both want to get off. It’s never always one way. In other words, you can be quite happy, and have a night where the sex is utilitarian and a bit boring.  Two nights later, you might get your socks knocked off in bed.  (Not me; I hate wearing socks during sex.)
 I almost feel bad for tearing your article apart so aggressively, however almost everything you said in this article is not only inaccurate, but you take the stance of guiding other people in relationships, and you’re sending them chasing their tails.  You sound like you wrote this article WHILE in the throes of the “unrealistic romantic bliss” you mentioned. Sorry, Gigi, but there are no epiphanies here…
Thankfully, I am not alone in calling bullshit.  The comments in the section under the article were almost unanimously…less than positive.   I just…
ah, okay.  I’m done.  Discerning readers, what do you think?
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Dr. Rut’ says you need this book…