Why I’m not handling this well…

Every since the overturning of Roe v. Wade, and subsequent trigger laws in a myriad of states, I’ve been extremely angry, and more frustrated with the direction of this country than ever. And the worst part is that I know that the few pro-life people left in my life probably don’t understand why. Maybe they never will, and that is also extremely frustrating. I feel disrespected. I feel dismissed. I feel dehumanized. I am extremely prickly at the prospect that I literally have no choice but to be an incubator if I got pregnant now (despite my best efforts, because no birth control is 100%, but in America, only the woman carries the physical toll (as well a society’s implicit judgement) of failed prophylaxis. Which is why it infuriates me even more when pro-life men (non-uterus having men, that is to say) give their completely unwanted, tone deaf, and ultimately irrelevant opinion on the topic. It’s easy for them to dismiss our feelings and concerns and feel morally just and superior because a forced pregnancy and birth could literally never happen to them. But I’m a grown ass married woman that deserves to be able to have sex for pleasure just like men can, without the prospect of being saddled with the physical or emotional toll of carrying and birthing another child at this point in my life.) One could say I’m having a hard time with this, and if that seems like an “overreaction” or silly to the prolife people in my life, then my gut reaction is they are not friends of mine. They may think their pro-life memes are harmless because they’re not directed at anyone in particular, but the pro-choice women in your life, the women that are hurting right now, they see you. Millions of women just got told a partially formed nonviable fetus that relies on their body for continued existence is now more worthy of rights than they are and I doubt I’m the only one not taking it well.

Don’t @ me;

Nothing encapsulates the government’s priorities in America right now like the supreme court’s two most recent decisions. They struck down tougher gun regs in the wake of multiple mass shootings (the worst of which involved yet another elementary school massacre) and in the same week overturned a woman’s right to choose whether or not to carry a pregnancy to term.

I’ve carried and born a child, (sick as hell the whole pregnancy, with my health in peril. I chose it then, but I wouldn’t again; it was that bad) and I’ve lost a pregnancy, and no one but me knows what that was like for me. One was my choice, the other wasn’t. And it should never be anyone’s decision but mine. Women are not brood mares and we shouldn’t be penalized for daring to have sex. Birth control fails. What happens after that is no one’s goddamn business but mine.

Let me also say, I am a gun owner. I believe in the basic right to bear arms, but I believe it should come with restrictions and responsibilities to our fellow citizens, especially our children.

Right. But that’s too much to ask the government, particularly the Republicans pandering to the 2A nuts. Interestingly enough, the venn diagram of people who believe women should be forced to carry a pregnancy to term and people who believe in unfettered access to whatever firearms their little brains desire is damn near a complete circle. So now they will force us to have babies because “life”, so we can send them to school to get shot, because “gun rights”. You can tell exactly where the sanctity of life ends for Republicans. Fuck each and every one of you that voted in a way that allowed this to happen. I don’t care if you’re family or friends. Don’t @ me. I don’t want to hear it.

edit: 6/26/22

I’m sure tired of explaining to people the difference between being pro-life for yourself because of your beliefs, and being “pro-life” by voting to force every woman to carry an unwanted pregnancy because of your beliefs. If you don’t get why women are mad and are feeling betrayed by others celebrating this, you’re part of the problem. All these posts whining about losing friends over “politics,” you reap the consequences of your own choices and beliefs. Everyone should be pro-choice. It’s NOT pro-abortion. It means every woman makes her own choice and you mind your own damn business. If you want to argue with me about it, you’re no friend of mine because my friends care about me and respect me enough to let me make my own decisions about my body. Being pregnant was rewarding but so, so hard on me, and I’d never want to do it again. It makes me sick to think this time next year I could go to the doctor and be denied even birth control. Don’t tell me I’m over reacting. Now look at what we’ve done. By Clarence Thomas ‘s own words, they’re coming for more of our rights next.

The way some of these pro lifers are carrying on on social media about “losing friends” over roe v Wade, you’d think they were the victims. I mean if nothing had changed, and Roe v Wade stayed in place, NO ONE would be able to force them to get an abortion if they didn’t believe in it, yet they’re totally cool with doing the opposite to other women and forcing a woman to carry pregnancies now that roe is overturned, and then expect the rest of us not to be sore about it. They think it’s a goddamn “agree to disagree” situation. Naw, fuck that. If you step into my personal medical decisions by trying to codify YOUR personal beliefs, we fightin’. You tired of hearing about it? Well I’m tired of worrying about it. Guess we both have to live with it. Your feelings are hurt? Imagine how we feel!

Why Is This Still A “Discussion?”

Why is this still a discussion? I’m talking about women’s rights; more specifically, a woman’s “right to choose.”  Right to choose.  Let’s think about that for a minute.  It seems almost nonsensical.  “Choice” about our bodies, our families, our lives… that’s a no-brainer right?  We get to decide what we want as long as it doesn’t infringe on someone else’s rights.  There is no debate or discussion.

Except when it comes to a woman’s right to terminate a pregnancy.  Then all of a sudden, money and religion and morals all make an appearance in the discussion.  We’re divided into camps, and people who believe inthe right to choose are often labeled as “pro-abortion.”  NO ONE is “pro” abortion, okay?  Abortion is not “good.” It never will be “good”, but the alternative is worse.  Forcing a woman to carry an unwanted pregnancy to term, which is very much both a physical and emotional experience, for better or worse… Forcing a woman to lose AUTONOMY over her own body…. that’s a nightmare… and if men had a REAL chance of getting pregnant and being forced carry an unwanted pregnancy to term, this conversation “America” is having about women’s rights would be going a LOT differently.

SO here are a few key points to remember, based on “arguments” that are regurgitated over and over again.

1.) “My tax dollars shouldn’t go to-”

*SLAP*

Tax dollars going towards reproductive services and health clinics do not go to abortions except in cases of rape or other sexual abuse. Also, seems to me, people are pretty selective about bitching when it comes to their tax dollars.  We as tax paying individuals will never get to decide where each cent of our taxes go, regardless of how we vote, so we might as well get over that now.

2) “Well, a woman does have a choice…to use protection or not have sex.”

Let’s address this at its most base level.  It’s sanctimonious, hypocritical bullshit.

ONE EITHER HAS FREEDOM OF CHOICE OR NOT.

Firstly, yes, there is a choice. and if she “chooses” to make it after conception, she is still taking responsibility for the decision.  It IS a personal choice, and it may be informed by her family or religion but it is on HER and only her to bear the physical and emotional burden of a pregnancy or an abortion, so it is her decision and hers alone. When we talk about “responsibility” in terms of “keeping one’s pants up” not only is that not realistic, but it’s not anyone else’s place to decide how someone else practices “responsibility.” What if both sexual partners thought they were being responsible but a condom broke or some other unforseen circumstance happened…?  Whatever the reason one might choose to terminate a pregnancy, whether because they do not want children or it’s not the right time in their life, or whatever, is irrelevant. The reason there was an unwanted pregnancy in the first place doesn’t really matter. ONE EITHER HAS FREEDOM OF CHOICE OR NOT and this goes with any life choice.  We do not get to decide the circumstances in which one has freedom to choose.  Then it’s not really freedom is it?

3) To the assertion that women and men ARE equal, and have equal choice to practice safe sex or to abstain completely…

No, the choice beforehand is NOT the same. When the consequences are the same, then the choice is the same.   No offense, because I do respect my male friends and fellow bloggers, but unless a male is willing to go get snipped so he can NEVER EVER concievably contribute to a woman wanting or needing an abortion and not being able to have one, I don’t want to hear his opinion on this issue, because it’s not real for him. There is NO possibility he would ever be able to be forced to carry a pregnancy so he has no idea how the idea of losing autonomy over one’s body is terrifying.   

If you think the government treats men and women the same, you are basically exhibiting your privilige. When was the last time the government told a man what he could or couldn’t do with his dick (aside from the obvious like laws protecting children and animals from abuse, etc?) If men could get pregnant, you could get an abortion at a McDonald’s drive thru because no man would deign to be told what he could or couldn’t do with his own body. To continue this converation with you playing the “whataboutmen” card will get us nowhere. Men’s choices are not at risk here.

To be clear, and before the argument is broached, we’re not talking about the possibility of monetary consequences (usually for the male), like forced child support, as a consequence for an unwanted pregnancy.  We are talking about bodily autonomy.  If we don’t own our bodies, what do we own? 

And finally,

4) “You’re killing an innocent (or various variations of this argument.)

Let me reiterate.  Abortion will never be “good.”  Sometimes there is no “good” choice, just a choice.  I do not know if I could ever have an abortion, but I will fight with every breath my right and other women’s right to CHOOSE for themselves should the need ever arise.  As to the fetus’s “rights,” even if a fetus had rights, where is the justice in taking the rights of one to give to another?  A woman, living, breathing, self-sustaining, outside of the womb, loses her right to make a life-changing decision about her body in deference to a non-viable fetus that is non-cognizant?  I just can’t make that decision for anyone else.

Anyway, I am actually exhausted over this topic. Two posts and I have nothing more to give. I just keep saying the same thing.  So, readers, you are welcomed to comment, but keep it civil, and just know I have no more desire to “discuss” this, because discussion implies a debate or a consesus needing to be reached…  To me, it shouldn’t even be a discussion.  

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Warning: I’m Just ONE Mad Woman (House Votes to Defund Planned Parenthood)

Because this can be such an emotional topic, at least in regards to the issue of abortion, I’d like to preface what I am about to say with this:  I have come to the conclusion that is real life sometimes there is no “good” solution.  There is only the best solution for a given person at a given time.  I have thought it over quite a bit myself and while I can definitely see the pro-life point of view, in the end, I can’t get behind one living thing, a person, (the woman), losing her rights in deference to another living thing.  Anytime a woman feels she has to make a choice like this, it’s a hard, shitty choice to make, but I do believe it still should be a choice.

Please feel free to offer an opinion in the comments if you like but keep it civil towards all involved.  Thank you.

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Turkish Woman Beheads Rapist…right on

Note to my readers: While I realize this woman’s name and photo are now a matter of public knowledge, out of respect for her and other victims of sexual violence, I have refrained from mentioning her name or posting her picture.  Thank you.

A 26-year-old Turkish woman, who was impregnated by her rapist, reportedly shot and beheaded her alleged attacker to protect her honor. ~ Huffington Post    Continue reading