People I’d Have An Affair With (Spring 2015)

I haven’t done one of these in a good while.  2012 to be exact.  Since then, a few new worthies have made their way to “the list,” and while I wouldn’t actually have an affair (as in, cheat on the hubs) with all of the people on these lists, the lists are still great fun to make, especially when you factor in cartoon characters, “unlikely crushes,” and sexy “old” men.  So, with only a little of my standard long-winded introductions and/or explanations, I shall unveil the lucky inductees onto this year’s list.

As some of my regular readers may remember, I am somewhat of a TV binge viewer.  I think Netflix is the shit.  Never again will I willingly subject myself to regular cable or network TV.  I barely have patience for the 15 second commercials on YouTube or Hulu now, and when I had to watch the third season of The Walking Dead on “regular” TV, I about died of boredom between commercials, and if the episode was a slow one, I ended up feeling cheated out of an hour of my life.

Anyway, one of my last TV series addictions was Sherlock.  I was hesitant to watch it at first; I don’t even really know why except that maybe I assumed it would be like every other mystery/procedural crime drama.  It wasn’t.  And I spent the rest of the series alternately wishing I could put Martin Freeman in my pocket and trying to figure out if Benedict Cumberbatch was hot or weird looking.  I finally decided he’s both.

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sherlock-holmes-benedict-cumberbatch

He has a curiously long face and narrow jaw area and his eyebrows border on out of control, but he has the clearest blue eyes, and his character’s simultaneously child-like naivety and arrogant insouciance is at least part of his appeal.  Oh, and brains, of course.  Because we’re not shallow here.  So, maybe given that combination of his oddly appealing face (my best friend’s exact words), and his withering intellect and attitude, it’s not so much Benedict Cumberbatch, as it is Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock.

Alright, moving on…

Again, courtesy of my beloved Netflix, I binge-watched the first three seasons of The Killing, and then after greedily awaiting the fourth, I devoured that too.  It was depressing, by the way, especially the last season.  Depressing, but a very good show, and my favorite part of it was Joel Kinnaman’s portrayal of Det. Stephen Holder.  Again, attitude goes along way for me in terms of sexy, and Holder had attitude in spades.  But what was so unique to me about his performance was that I didn’t feel like I was watching a performance.  I even told my husband, it’s like he was a real person, someone I actually might know.  That feeling of familiarity, of “realness” was in everything from how he talked, to how he carried himself, and even to an extent, in his (scripted) character faults.  Plus, he’s sexy as hell.

Photography by Chris Large

I’m not a big fan of ‘staches on guys, but check out that smolder.  And besides, if you need any other reason to like Kinnaman, he’s also the lead in the new Robocop movie, and he’s buddies with Alexander Skarsgard (who also graces one of these lists. )

That’s a whole lot of hotness in one place, people.

Last but not least, is Eric Balfour, especially in Haven.  I say “especially,” because I’m actually fairly new on the Eric Balfour bandwagon in that while he’s been around a while, in movies and TV series alike, with bit parts and recurring characters, he never did much for me until he played Duke Crocker in the supernatural series Haven.  Again, character personality likely has a lot to do with this.  And the longer hair.  (It’s definitely not that goofy little ‘stache.  Haven’t I already mentioned how I feel about ‘staches?  Well, I guess it just depends on the owner of said ‘stache.)

Eric Balfour O12 Visionarios_xl

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Anyhow, that concludes the list for today.  Nothing more to see here, people.  (But, Lisa, I’ll expect your list forthwith.)

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Cute Child Actors That Are Now Busted

*warning: one or more of these photos may be considered disturbing to some …and tacky, apparently…

In the same vein as Very Much Dutch‘s and B(itch) Log‘s posts on unlikely crushes and good looking men, I have definitely had my share of posts about celebs I’d boff and sexy older men, and now I give you my latest list:

“Adorable celeb kids who later fucked themselves up on drugs and now have criminal records and/or just mke us sad. ” (But in the interest of brevity, I ended up truncating the title a bit.)

So, here we go.  It’s a short list.  I haven’t bothered with older celebs like Danny Bonaduce.  This is more focused on child actors that were kids when I was a kid and since.

1) Macaulay Culkin– Home Alone (1990):  Still one of my holiday favorites, I can’t watch it without lamenting that this adorable little kid (who used to always remind me of one of my cousins) is now a gaunt specter.   I see him going the way of so many young actors who drowned in their own fame and money and ended up dead of an overdose.  I truly hope I’m wrong.  His latest press was decidedly not positive, and came in the form of some pics of him looking wasted, possibly sick or in the grips of addiction.  Of course his “sources” have denied either possibility, but I don’t see how he could look so bad if something wasn’t deviling him.

“Mack” in 1990 for the film Home Alone, and then in 2012 looking very un-Kevin McCallister

2) River Phoenix– Stand By Me (1986): I remember having a crush on River Phoenix in the movie adaptation of Stephen King’s “The Body.”  He’s long dead now, of a drug overdose, so I guess he’s technically no longer “on drugs” and he was never really “busted” looking.  But I do remember thinking (and still do think) what a waste of a beautiful man.  Given my macabre turn of mind, even as a kid, I’ll admit to you fair readers the thought of him rotting away in his grave was very disturbing to me.

River Phoenix ~ 1986

River Phoenix ~ 1986

River Phoenix,

River Phoenix, “all growed up”

can not speak for the authenticity of this photo, but supposedly a photo of River in his coffin (which seems appropriate given

I can not speak for the authenticity of this photo, but it’s supposedly a photo of River in his coffin…

3) Daniel Radcliffe– Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (2001): Undeniably adorable, Daniel Radcliffe captured the hearts of youth and grown-ups alike as Harry Potter in the film series of the same name.  Arguably, he’s not too far gone yet, but by his own admission he was drunk for at least some of the filming of the latest Potter film.  You disappoint us, Harry. ~smh

Daniel Radcliffe (2001)

Daniel Radcliffe (2001)

Daniel Radcliffe, looking a bit pissed (and that's the British interpretation of pissed)

Daniel Radcliffe, looking a bit pissed (and that’s the British interpretation of pissed)

And last but not least, because this still bugs the shit out of me:

4) Edward Furlong– Terminator 2 (1991), American History X (1998): A cute kid who grew up to be quite a sexy young man, Furlong has had his trouble with drugs, which is sad…  but not as sad as his other legal troubles, which include charges for domestic violence and harassing his ex.
He apparently also owes thousands in back child support.  The drug abuse I could over-look as sad, but fairly commonplace, but this other bit of douche-baggery just spoils the whole thing for me.  He used to be sooo adorable, even appearing as a model for Calvin Klein.  And now, he’s just a fat, dirty, slob who doesn’t know how to treat women.  I have lost much respect for him, which is sad because I so want to still like him.

A very young Edward Furlong-- cute as a kitten...well, the kitten's maybe not quite THAT cute.

A very young Edward Furlong– cute as a kitten…well, the kitten’s maybe not quite THAT cute.

edward-furlongyoung

This pic pretty much speaks for itself

Oh, Eddie, what have you done?

Oh, Eddie, what have you done?

~Sigh~  So sad.  But let’s look on the bright side; maybe he’ll read this blog post somehow, somewhere, and realize he has to change his ways to continue to impress all the hot moms hanging at home with their toddlers and watching Kung Fu Panda on Hulu.

Til next time…

Doing the Dark Tower Right: Who Plays the Gunslinger?

As much a fan as I am of Stephen King’s epic series, The Dark Tower, I really, really hope they don’t make a movie/movies out of it.  Actually, I think it’s because I’m such a King/Dark Tower fan, that I don’t want them to make a movie out of it.  Two main reasons come to the forefront of my mind.

Firstly, Hollywood has managed to fuck up just about every Stephen King story that has every been adapted to film, even when King is involved in the adaptation.   Whether by substandard direction, low budget, or ridiculous special effects/monsters, they always manage to render King’s creations sort of…ridiculous.  They turn the scary silly, the morbid mundane.  In fact, the only adaptations of King’s stories that I can think of off the top of my head that were successful in any way were not initially billed in connection with King.  Like Stanley Kubrick‘s adaptation of The Shining, and more recently the film adaptation of The Green Mile, it was as if Hollywood feared limiting the scope of their viewers by associating it with the horror novel master’s name.

“Don’t you DARE make a Dark Tower movie! Just don’t. Fucking. Do it.”

And the second reason I really hope they don’t make a movie out of DT, equally if not more important than the first reason, is the fact that Stephen King’s Dark Tower series is his magnum opus.  THE magnum opus.  Now with the addition of The Wind Through the Keyhole, a volume written to fit chronologically between the fourth and fifth volumes in the sequence, the series totals eight books and encompasses elements of and references from over two dozen of his previous novels and short stories.  The epic novel-turned-film The Standfor instance, is heavily linked by common characters and themes.  Some ideas that may not even been previously apparent in the novel, such as the existence of many parallel strands of existence, have nonetheless have always existed for King somewhere in the reaches of his mind.

Other stories appear in The Dark Tower series as only mild references to characters or ideas from previous stories, so small the reader may not even remember them.

The point of which is basically that unless someone had the time, budget, knowledge, and skill to produce a whole season’s worth of one to two-hour episodes, it would be nearly impossible to do this series justice.  And you’d likely end up with a host of pissed off King fans.  Like me.

But… for the sake of argument, if they were  to make a film adaptation of DT, who would be worthy to play the iconic “spaghetti western” anti-hero, Roland of Gilead?  Unfortunately, Clint Eastwood is too old for the role (anyone else notice Roland’s startling resemblance to Mr. Eastwood as depicted on the dust jacket of the final (chronologically speaking) novel of the series?

“I’m the stunt double…”

Anyway, so I came up with three possibilities for the lead role.

Number 3: Karl Urban- He’s got that ruggedly handsome thing down pretty good.  Strap a gunbelt to him and he’s good to go.

Karl Urban

I’m kinda undecided on my second and first choice in that I like them both.  They’re both ruggedly sexy, good actors, and I could envision either of them as the acerbic and hardboiled Roland of Deschain.  The only drawback to any of these three men is that they are in fact well known actors, and may be considered by some as type-cast or locked into certain roles, which may be a hindrance rather than an asset to a film adaptation of DT.  But I’ll let you decide.

Number 2-  Hugh Jackman- Imagine the Wolverine attitude with…a cowboy hat.  He’s buff, tough, and he definitely has the right “air” about him.

“Snickety-snick! My guns are made of adamantium.”

Number 1- Timothy Olyphant-

Comes with his own hat and boots.

Also, as a runner up, especially if you want a little less of a polished, classically handsome choice, I would suggest Michael C. Hall.  He’s proven himself a versatile actor and he has a face that is pleasant but not as generic as the standard “Marlboro Man.”