Introspection

It was recently brought to my attention that perhaps I am guilty of concerning myself too much with what happens to others…things that don’t directly affect me, I guess.  Social issues mainly.   Let me assure you, this criticism is actually something I am mulling over.  I am already fully aware I can seem angry sometimes from some of my posts.  And I AM angry.  I think sometimes I was a lot happier before I spent so much time online and became hyper-aware of how much hate there still is in this supposedly great country.  It makes me frustrated I can’t do more to change it, which is one of the reasons I write.  But I don’t think the things I am usually upset over are stupid.  Most are social issues that are farther reaching than just the impact they have on me personally.  If nothing else, this is the world my child, my daughter, must grow up in and that scares me sometimes.  The hate scares me.  The flagrant disregard for feelings and in many cases, life.  And by writing, I not only get to get some of the poison out of my system, I think deep down somewhere I can educate just ONE person, change just ONE mind.  Sometimes I write about “big” things (religion, gay rights, women’s rights, etc.)  Some times I impart info that may seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things.  It may be something as small as me trying to convince someone not to squish a spider or kill snake out of reactionary fear or revulsion.  I’m trying to effect a positive change, even a small one.  I care about these things.  And yet I DO have to pick and choose what to care too much about or else I’d go nuts (more nuts.)  Choose my battles, so to speak.

This big ass guy was sunbathing in my kid's old kiddie pool today.  He was gross as hell, but I fished him out with a stick anyway so he wouldn't drown...

This big ass guy was sunbathing in my kid’s old kiddie pool today. He was gross as hell, but I fished him out with a stick anyway so he wouldn’t drown…

Also, as much as I bitch, which I will admit is quite a bit, I do also try to put positive things out there too.  Art, for one. Fiction and poetry.  I love animals and I like to pass things on regarding animals, especially goofy cat and dog memes, because they make me smile and I want to make others smile.  I love to laugh and I love to make people laugh.

So I apologize if I seem to complain a lot.  I have always found angst and anger lubricate my writing skills a lot better than fluffy bunnies and summer breezes or whatever.  But that does not mean that is all I am.  But if it bothers you too much, you can always stop reading.  I may be sorry to see you go.  But then I’m going to go watch Scrubs and pet my cat.

Shiro makes me smile...

Shiro makes me smile…

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A Few One Liners About Social Media, To Sing You Off To Sweet Sleep

Just a few random thoughts that have been poking at my consciousness like splinters, presented in a passive-aggressive way for your entertainment…

All of your “selfies” look exactly the same.  Stop it.

Maybe it’s not your opinion that people object to; maybe it’s the combative and assholish way you present it that pisses them off.

That pic of you fresh from the gym/car dealership/proctologist/whatever– you know, the one where you’re staring into space, or looking sideways and making duck lips at the camera…it was very unique and illuminating.

You’re so vain…you probably think this post is about you.

This post is about you.

Dear close friend or family member, I have to be more understanding and try not to get my feelings hurt when I know you’ve been online, but you’ve ignored something I posted specifically for you; you must just have your hands full “sharing” all those played out memes and “inspirational” photos.

I love watching grown ass adults act like adolescents on a social media site, don’t you?

And speaking of “grown adults,” watching some of the older crowd navigate Facebook is like watching two monkeys try to fuck a football.

I’m just here for the Scrabble.

The Cycle

“I asked you a question.”

He’s trying to control the conversation.  Don’t let him.  You have the power now.  He’ll never control you again.

“Say something…say something!” His lapse in composure is brief, but she sees the rage that she now knows must have always been there.

“What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to answer the question.”

A pause.  “How could you do what you did?  Those women…”

“Have you never been taught not to answer a question with a question?”  She’s never heard that note of condescension in his voice before.  Not in 8 years of marriage or the two years they dated before that.

I never knew him at all…who is this man?

“You still love me…”  His eyes pin her to the spot, like a butterfly mounted in a display case.  “You miss me.  You need me.  Don’t you?”

don’t need him.  And I don’t love him, not anymore.  But, God help me, I do miss him.  At least, I miss the person I thought he was.

“Answer me.”  Somehow this quiet command is more frightening than all of his rage.

I’m not scared of him.  He can’t hurt me anymore.  I’m not scared, I’m…  Defiant,”Why should I?”

“Because I have something you want.”

“You don’t have anything I want anymore!”  No!  Don’t let him see your anger!  If you’re angry, he wins.

He smiles.  “We both know that’s not true.  I know where your sister is.”

bflies-071

“You Have One Zillion Friends”

Good friends are hard to find.  No matter what your Facebook friends list might say, we’re blessed with few people in our lives that fit all the criteria of a good friend.  My blogger friend, Crazy Train, raised a good point in a recent article.

…is your life so rich in friendship that you can afford the loss of a loved one or treasured friend over some small incident or word spoken in haste. If you can honestly say that your relationship with this person is too emotionally costly then possibly it is time to move on.

Good friends are hard to find…unless you’re Chuck Norris. [insert random Chuck Norris joke here]

I heartily agree.  In fact, it’s odd to me that the very fact that I am not more angry at a specific someone very close to me for something they did, or rather failed to do, has actually royally pissed off another specific someone in my life.  They don’t understand why I “forgive” the one person the slight that person B perceives.  There are several reasons for this, but the short version is that I choose my battles.  Some things are just not worth being angry over when you never know if the people in your life will be there from one day to the next…

Okay, enough of the sappy shit.   The point of all this is that I happened to mention to my blogger friend my feelings on a certain type of friend.

I call them my Friends In Small Doses.

We all have one or more of these friends.  When I describe them, you will know exactly who in your life this may refer to.

-They’re people who are at heart basically good, but they tend to be self-involved.

-They usually like to be the center of attention, and often find ways to draw the attention away from you and back to them.

-They are often sarcastic or unintentionally condescending (I’ve been told I can be condescending at times-  unintentionally, I assure you. 😀 ) and have been known to utter an “I told you so” on occasion.

-They tend not to take criticism, even constructive criticism, well.

-They often show up when they need a shoulder to cry on or someone to bitch to, but are unavailable when you may need a ride somewhere or a favor…yet they have redeeming moments when they see you through a traumatic event, or do something completely generous, or you go out with them and have a complete blast, and you remember why you love them.

In my experience, these are people you do want to stay in touch with, but after being around them for a bit, you find that you need to take a step back every once in a while.  Sometime for a few days, sometime for a few months.

Friends come in all shapes and sizes, especially in this age of social media (which is raging out of control- but that’s another post entirely.)  Just be aware of who you can trust, who you can’t.  Who you want to keep in your life and who is toxic.  And don’t be afraid to let the ones you love know it.

 

 

related: Why Don’t You Like Me Anymore?”  AlienRedQueen