Why Is This Still A “Discussion?”

Why is this still a discussion? I’m talking about women’s rights; more specifically, a woman’s “right to choose.”  Right to choose.  Let’s think about that for a minute.  It seems almost nonsensical.  “Choice” about our bodies, our families, our lives… that’s a no-brainer right?  We get to decide what we want as long as it doesn’t infringe on someone else’s rights.  There is no debate or discussion.

Except when it comes to a woman’s right to terminate a pregnancy.  Then all of a sudden, money and religion and morals all make an appearance in the discussion.  We’re divided into camps, and people who believe inthe right to choose are often labeled as “pro-abortion.”  NO ONE is “pro” abortion, okay?  Abortion is not “good.” It never will be “good”, but the alternative is worse.  Forcing a woman to carry an unwanted pregnancy to term, which is very much both a physical and emotional experience, for better or worse… Forcing a woman to lose AUTONOMY over her own body…. that’s a nightmare… and if men had a REAL chance of getting pregnant and being forced carry an unwanted pregnancy to term, this conversation “America” is having about women’s rights would be going a LOT differently.

SO here are a few key points to remember, based on “arguments” that are regurgitated over and over again.

1.) “My tax dollars shouldn’t go to-”

*SLAP*

Tax dollars going towards reproductive services and health clinics do not go to abortions except in cases of rape or other sexual abuse. Also, seems to me, people are pretty selective about bitching when it comes to their tax dollars.  We as tax paying individuals will never get to decide where each cent of our taxes go, regardless of how we vote, so we might as well get over that now.

2) “Well, a woman does have a choice…to use protection or not have sex.”

Let’s address this at its most base level.  It’s sanctimonious, hypocritical bullshit.

ONE EITHER HAS FREEDOM OF CHOICE OR NOT.

Firstly, yes, there is a choice. and if she “chooses” to make it after conception, she is still taking responsibility for the decision.  It IS a personal choice, and it may be informed by her family or religion but it is on HER and only her to bear the physical and emotional burden of a pregnancy or an abortion, so it is her decision and hers alone. When we talk about “responsibility” in terms of “keeping one’s pants up” not only is that not realistic, but it’s not anyone else’s place to decide how someone else practices “responsibility.” What if both sexual partners thought they were being responsible but a condom broke or some other unforseen circumstance happened…?  Whatever the reason one might choose to terminate a pregnancy, whether because they do not want children or it’s not the right time in their life, or whatever, is irrelevant. The reason there was an unwanted pregnancy in the first place doesn’t really matter. ONE EITHER HAS FREEDOM OF CHOICE OR NOT and this goes with any life choice.  We do not get to decide the circumstances in which one has freedom to choose.  Then it’s not really freedom is it?

3) To the assertion that women and men ARE equal, and have equal choice to practice safe sex or to abstain completely…

No, the choice beforehand is NOT the same. When the consequences are the same, then the choice is the same.   No offense, because I do respect my male friends and fellow bloggers, but unless a male is willing to go get snipped so he can NEVER EVER concievably contribute to a woman wanting or needing an abortion and not being able to have one, I don’t want to hear his opinion on this issue, because it’s not real for him. There is NO possibility he would ever be able to be forced to carry a pregnancy so he has no idea how the idea of losing autonomy over one’s body is terrifying.   

If you think the government treats men and women the same, you are basically exhibiting your privilige. When was the last time the government told a man what he could or couldn’t do with his dick (aside from the obvious like laws protecting children and animals from abuse, etc?) If men could get pregnant, you could get an abortion at a McDonald’s drive thru because no man would deign to be told what he could or couldn’t do with his own body. To continue this converation with you playing the “whataboutmen” card will get us nowhere. Men’s choices are not at risk here.

To be clear, and before the argument is broached, we’re not talking about the possibility of monetary consequences (usually for the male), like forced child support, as a consequence for an unwanted pregnancy.  We are talking about bodily autonomy.  If we don’t own our bodies, what do we own? 

And finally,

4) “You’re killing an innocent (or various variations of this argument.)

Let me reiterate.  Abortion will never be “good.”  Sometimes there is no “good” choice, just a choice.  I do not know if I could ever have an abortion, but I will fight with every breath my right and other women’s right to CHOOSE for themselves should the need ever arise.  As to the fetus’s “rights,” even if a fetus had rights, where is the justice in taking the rights of one to give to another?  A woman, living, breathing, self-sustaining, outside of the womb, loses her right to make a life-changing decision about her body in deference to a non-viable fetus that is non-cognizant?  I just can’t make that decision for anyone else.

Anyway, I am actually exhausted over this topic. Two posts and I have nothing more to give. I just keep saying the same thing.  So, readers, you are welcomed to comment, but keep it civil, and just know I have no more desire to “discuss” this, because discussion implies a debate or a consesus needing to be reached…  To me, it shouldn’t even be a discussion.  

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Warning: I’m Just ONE Mad Woman (House Votes to Defund Planned Parenthood)

Because this can be such an emotional topic, at least in regards to the issue of abortion, I’d like to preface what I am about to say with this:  I have come to the conclusion that is real life sometimes there is no “good” solution.  There is only the best solution for a given person at a given time.  I have thought it over quite a bit myself and while I can definitely see the pro-life point of view, in the end, I can’t get behind one living thing, a person, (the woman), losing her rights in deference to another living thing.  Anytime a woman feels she has to make a choice like this, it’s a hard, shitty choice to make, but I do believe it still should be a choice.

Please feel free to offer an opinion in the comments if you like but keep it civil towards all involved.  Thank you.

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The Methos Chronicles: Episode [Nonoxynol] 9

I think I may have stumbled upon something here, folks.  An idea with real potential here:

A method of birth control more natural than pills, more reliable than “natural family planning…”   And the only thing you have to do is remember to feed it and scoop its litter.  Yes, I’m talking about my cat of course.  But seriously, for those of you who haven’t had the pleasure, let me introduce Methos:

methos1

He’s lovable, he’s large, he’s dopey…he likes to wear shoes (sometimes on his face)

And he has no qualms whatsoever about making himself comfortable in the bed (or on the couch) while hubby and I have sex.  The other night, I practically used him as a pillow, since he didn’t feel inclined to move.  But at least he wasn’t staring right at us this time.   That can get pretty damn awkward.  It’s like I can hear him thinking (perhaps in a British accent), Ugh, they’re at it again.  They’re worse than animals… that’s fucking disgusting…   Except, as I said, he can’t be bothered to get up and leave.  But we’ve adjusted to it.  Mostly we ignore him, and sometimes we kick him off the bed if we find him too distracting.

But there was this one time he happened to on the bed and there was a contraception… mishap.

Women who have experimented with different types of contraception may be familiar with a spermicide foam sold in a pressurized can with applicators.  So, for those needing it spelled out, the applicator can be filled quickly and with little preparation, by applying it to the top of the pressurized can and release it when you see the applicator is full.  Voila!  You’re ready for safe* sex.

*this foam is for prevention of pregnancy only, and does not protect against HIV or sexually transmitted diseases*

*this foam is for prevention of pregnancy only, and does not protect against HIV or sexually transmitted diseases*

I don’t know where on the bed the cat was; I wasn’t really paying much attention to him.  Hubby and I were getting busy, and one of us was attempting to fill the applicator.   It wasn’t anything new, except this time, we held the applicator to the nozzle a bit too long.  Suddenly, the pressure from the can became too much.  The plunger rocketed out of the top of the tube in a plume of contraceptive foam and bounced off the ceiling.

It was a mess.  There was foam on us, foam on the bed, foam on the ceiling…   But we’re all adults here.  We know sex in real life is often not as sexy and graceful as Hollywood makes it look.  I don’t think that alone would have derailed us for long.  When I really lost it was when I looked over to see Methos, still sitting placidly on the comforter, a look of calm confusion on his face, and contraceptive foam dripping off his head.
Needless to say, it took a little work to get back in the mood after that, but the comedic value was priceless.

Poppin’ Pills… (Birth Control, that is.)

Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women'...

I spoke with a friend of mine last night who is using fertility treatments to get pregnant. That is when I was informed of this:

http://www.fertilityauthority.com/costs/insurance-coverage/maryland-infertility-insurance-mandate

which in a nutshell mandates companies must also include benefits from expenses resulting from in vitro fertilization (IVF) procedures. NOW, tell me how fertility and pregnancy are required to be covered, but some law makers are trying to allow employers the right to TAKE AWAY the birth control option. Continue reading