Update (aka: What Sh*t is Going Down this Friday) (*updated)

The academic portion of my studies in dog training with the Animal Behavior College has nine stages.  Some of them are longer than others, and after each stage, I take an open book test.  I can study online any time, but I requested hard copies of the material.  It’s no extra charge and not only is it easier for me to study that way, with less note-taking, but I’ll also have the materials at hand for any future reference.  But my books haven’t come yet, and I didn’t want to waste time, as my first Stage Exam was due only a week after the projected date of the books’ arrival (April 19th,) so I started studying online.

This was about a week and a half ago.

Today, I got the grade for my Stage 3 exam!  Yes, I have completed three stages (or chapters, as I like to think of them,) and taken three exams.  I’ve gotten 94%, 97%, and 95% respectively.  The second stage exam was on learning theory.  Permit me to brag a moment… Wait! I don’t need your permission; this is my blog!  Anyway, my academic “handler” told me that he was pleasantly surprised by my score, as many students have trouble with that chapter.  I told him I’m sure my background in psychology helped, as this was kind of like a refresher.

Pavlov's Dog (photo: howstuffworks.com)

Pavlov’s Dog
(photo: howstuffworks.com)

Anyway, I’m really pleased with my progress, and have been checking the mail everyday on the off-chance my books come early (I received an email that they had been shipped, so it’s not out of the realm of possibility.)  I’d like to have them before starting Stage 4; I don’t want to take notes by hand anymore.  All I need is my trusty highlighter!

On another note, today is pizza day!  On Fridays, hubby and I often have a friend over and order either pizza or Japanese from Yamato.  I just found out Little Caesar’s still has/just got back their square, deep dish pizza.  And considering that I’ve sort of fallen off the strict calorie watching wagon (well, I was only ever hitching a ride on that bad boy to begin with,) I decided I needed to really torch some calories today.   Four pieces of that pizza will cost me about 1350 calories…  And let’s be real; I can easily eat four pieces.   Also, it’s ridiculous how excited I get over the prospect of yummy food.

New Image, courtesy of the AlienRedQueen

New Image, courtesy of the AlienRedQueen

See, you replace the dog food with…well, food food.  And that little dog there represents me– you can tell because of the eyeliner I added and the bad-ass doggie tattoo (there wasn’t enough room to put “Mom” on it.)

Now I’m just killing time, trying to kill calories, and keeping my kid happy until pizza time.

So, anyway, that’s my Friday in a nutshell.  How’s yours?

Update on the Update:  MY BOOKS ARE HERE!  Thank you, UPS man!

My goody box! Two head collars and a halter, as well as treat samples and a free Kong!  See my sexy polo shirt?

My goody box! Two head collars and a halter, as well as treat samples and a free Kong! See my sexy polo shirt?

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SEXercise!

Fuck the Shred; I’ve got a new exercise plan!

According to the University of Arizona… If a 150-lb person has sex for five minutes, he will burn 24 calories. If the same person has sex for 45 minutes, he will burn 216 calories. (source)

It’s not like I’m the first person to have this idea.  We like sex, we like losing weight…why can’t we do BOTH?  And the more creative and acrobatic, the more calories burned.

Sexercise Icescapades!

SEXercise Icescapades!

So what are the best calorie burning SEXercises???

Therapeutic massage?  Check!

Interval training?  Check! Check!

Some good ol’ core work?  Checkity-check!

HR Giger- Erotomechanics-VII

HR Giger- Erotomechanics-VII

HR Giger

HR Giger

 

Wait til I tell DH.  I can see it now…   “Wanna help me work off that chocolate torte? It’ll only take about two and a half hours…”

Have a Sucky Halloween…(and I don’t mean like a Vampire)

Well, it’s Halloween, which happens to be my favorite holiday. Unfortunately, my little one has been sick since last Sunday, and while the doc (np) seems to think it’s nothing serious, she recommended Darling Daughter stay out of the cold and damp. We had to cancel our plans this weekend to go to my friend’s bonfire, and then our second set of plans fell through as well, as their kids were down with a stomach virus (and I definitely don’t need that shit in my house!)

And D.D. Is still coughing today, so probably no Trick-or-Treating. I’m thinking of dressing myself and D.D. Up just for fun around the apartment, and I tried to convince some of my friends that they should come “reverse” Trick-or-Treating, and knock on my door and hand me candy (I don’t think they went for it.) 

 

 

So, since I won’t be able to celebrate on my favorite holiday…

 

“Pttth! Hiss! Hisssss!”

 

I figure I might as well ruin it for the rest of you.

So, here’s a brief list of all the empty calories on which you’re happily binging while I sit home with my sick kid…jerks.

Nutritional infor is pretty easy to find on the mini chocolate bars that are generally at the top of a kid’s Halloween candy hierarchy  but what about the loose candy. You think, “a skittle here, an M&M there…no prob.” It adds up, suckers!

 

One single M&M has 3.4 calories, One Peanut M&M has about 10 calories (gobble ’em up, bitches!)

 ONE single Milk Dud has 13 calories (Ha! I hope your ass gets fat!)

One single piece of candy corn has 6.6-7.5 calories

calories per skittle 4.3

Calories per single Junior Mint 9

Well, you get the point. Now I hope your candy sucks! (Just Kidding…sort of.)

Everyone have a safe and happy Halloween, and do think of me when you’re all in your cool-ass costumes and make-up!

Now, for your Halloween viewing pleasure…

RELATED LINKS:  http://lowcarbdiets.about.com/od/carbcounts/a/candycalories.htm

Rather Weighty, This

So, I’m probably way more excited then I should be, but I got a new elliptical.  It’s not like we really have any room in our tiny one bedroom apartment, but, dammit, I’ll make room.  I told my husband, “I have to do it.  I’m tired of being fat.”  He always just laughs at me.

Dammit Janet!

Dammit, hubby!

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