First and foremost, I would like to clear up the little misunderstanding we seem to be having about your food. I do not require you to alert me- by jumping on the bed and “myrring” loudly at 4:30am, by following me to the bathroom myrring loudly at 4:30am, or by attempting to trip me, all while myrring loudly, at 4:30am- that you are going to eat. I’m not sure where you got the impression that I needed to watch you eat. Besides, when you make so much noise, I am always worried you’ll wake the baby.
Speaking of which, when the baby does awaken in the wee hours of the night, your presence is not required to get her to fall back asleep. In fact, as soon as she hears you, she gets excited and wakes up more, usually declaring “cat!” over and over again in a distinctly non-4am voice.
If you don’t stop it, I’m going to start letting her drum on your head again like she used to when she was little. I’m betting it would suck even more now.
Now back to this food thing… Should you feel the need to alert me- loudly and repeatedly- that you need your food bowl filled at any given time during the day, but especially at 4:30am, it had damn well better be empty first. And if you whine and cry all day about food and I fill your bowl, you better eat more than one bite before you saunter off. Fake it if you have to.
While I will admit you are quite adorable, with your big feet, funny noises, and kittenish face, attached to a large, not-so-kittenish body, even your adorableness wears thin when I am short on sleep. Have you not noticed how cranky I get? I’ve even tried to show you the error of your ways by example…
If we can’t work this out, I may have to get more creative.
Yours truly, Management (aka Mommy)