BE The Mom; loving yourself

I’ve been thinking about this a lot in the past couple of days, and what better day to stop thinking and write it all down than Mother’s Day?

I have been pretty hard on myself, especially lately.  I’m sure there are a few reasons for that, but for this purpose I guess they are pretty irrelevant.  What is important is my stomach is too fat, my nose is too big.  I’m not pretty enough, I’m not a good enough mother.  I spend too much time on the computer.  I don’t keep the house clean enough.  I’m a naggy wife.  I’m not successful enough.  I screw things up.

And as I looked at my poochy belly the other day and once more thought to myself “that’s just disgusting,” I realized something important;

I love my daughter more than anything, and I want her to grow up loving herself and knowing she is special.  I would love her even if her nose was too big or she had a pudgy belly…and SHE loves me no matter what I look like (or clean like or what I screw up.) 

How can I expect her to love herself, though, when I am not setting that example for her by loving myself?  When she gets a little older and comes to me and says, “Mommy, I don’t like my nose,” or “Mommy, am I fat?” (and it may happen considering all the pressure put on girls and women to be beautiful,) how can I tell her she is beautiful no matter what when I don’t believe that for myself?

So, for her sake, if not for my own, I am going to make an effort to be kinder to myself, and see in me all the good that I see and want for her.

I love you, baby. You’re beautiful.

photo ©Cynthia Gemmill and alienredqueen

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I’m Gonna Miss My Boobs

Got milk...titties?

Yep.  Those are my boobs.  Or they were, rather, sometime last summer.  My daughter is now 20 months old and I finally “finished” the weaning process.   My milk hasn’t even dried up all the way.  But I started back on my regular birth control, and that sort of finalizes the decision in a way; my milk will dry up now, and nursing the baby in the mean time could actually cause her to menstruate because of the hormones in my pills.  Yikes!

We’ve actually been tapering the number of nursing sessions slowly for a while, both for convenience (those mid-night and early morning feedings buy Mommy more time in bed) and, admittedly, because a small part of me was reticent to give up such a bonding experience, even though it was becoming less convenient and more uncomfortable for me.   So my breasts have been shrinking back to their former glory, and now I’m back to being a large B/small C- cup.  Which I guess would be fine if the rest of me would shrink faster too.  And I am a tiny bit sad, not only for my diminished bustline, but because this is another part of my child’s (my first child, my only child) growing up.  I am thinking I didn’t get enough “baby nursing” pictures to commemorate the whole event.

And I have to admit, I’m going to miss my big, beautiful milk boobies too.  Not the super-ginormous, lumpy and painful “should have nursed two hours ago” boobies, but maybe the mostly full, “big, round, stand-up all on their own” porn star jubblies.

Aaaaaaand maybe I’m gonna miss chasing my husband around and squirting him in the eye with milk from the “twins.”  😉

machine gun jubblies! (click ^ )