My Christmas “Wish In One Hand” List

I’m still kind of like a little kid at Christmastime.  Now that I’m older, I can get excited about giving presents as well as getting.  I’m not gonna lie; I like getting presents. For the past couple of years, hubby and I haven’t been in a financial position to exchange gifts for Christmas, birthdays, or anniversaries.  But that doesn’t stop me from “window shopping.”  So here’s my “Wish in one hand” list.  

BADSanta

First, I’ve been wanting a new pair of boots for a while now.  Although my knee-high hooker boots have seen better days, they’re still wearable.  But I still want a new pair, with a lower heel.

Doc Martens, my old favorite.  I still have three or four pairs around here...but, they don't have buckles.

Doc Martens, my old-school favorite. I still have three or four pairs around here…but, they don’t have buckles.

Cobb Hill Bridget Dress boots; functional and fashionable

Cobb Hill Bridget Dress boots; functional and fashionable

Martino "Logan" Boots...a nice cross between the above two...and still with the buckles.

Martino “Logan” Boots…a nice cross between the above two…and still with the buckles.

Next on the list, money for some more ink.  I can’t be wearing these bad-ass boots without some new bad-ass ink to go with it.  I wanna work on a half sleeve, adding to what I already have on this tattoo:

tatme

And I also want to get a new tattoo:

A Perfect Circle...cuz Maynard's the man.

A Perfect Circle…cuz Maynard‘s the man…  I think I’ll have his love child.

Well, there are a crap-ton of things I would love to have, and a crap-ton more me and my family could use, but at present, these are the top things I want, that I am unlikely to be able to afford on my own anytime soon…hence the name of the list.  Oh well…

Guess I’ll have to settle for family and fellowship and all that shit… I mean, all that great stuff!

 But seriously…I am looking forward to Christmas this year because I get to go back to my home state and see my family… with my husband this time.   Last year I flew back, just me and the baby because hubby couldn’t get off work.   Managing airport security with a one year old and all of her accouterments is pure hell!  This year, hubby is coming and my baby gets to see her extended family, which is all I can really ask for.

My Christmas Wishlist

When I was at Walmart the other day, I couldn’t help but notice all the candy that was out (chocolate ~drool~)  And then I realized with something like shock that it really IS almost Halloween.  I can’t believe it’s already almost the middle of September.  Halloween is one of my favorite holidays and it’s almost here again!  And you know what that means…

…time to skip right over Halloween and Thanksgiving and break out all the Christmas shit and carols waaaaay too early!

So in the spirit of consumerism, I’ve decided to get a jump on my Christmas Wish list.  Just in case all you faithful bloggers want to get me something, here are a few ideas:

1)Heat-seeking Nerf blaster-  For those pesky mid-night feline disturbances.  With this, I’ll be able to “discipline” the cats whenever and WHEREever they get into trouble, even around corners, all without getting out of bed.

“Here, kitty, kitty…”

2) Universal Remote – With settings for every gadget in the house, including but not limited to; TV, PS3, DVD player, Game Cube, washing machine, vibrator.   AND multi-function settings; (Husband) “do dishes”, “change baby”, “massage butt”, (Cats) “clean litter boxes”, “shut the hell up” (aka Mute)

Because the Husband’s Remote was just sooooo clever….

3) A New Tattoo– I’m not gonna be able to afford one on my own anytime soon, so I might as well put it on my Wishlist.

4) Gear for the Zombie Apocalypse- Preparation for Z-Day has the potential to get very expensive.  I’m going to need provisions, lots of provisions.   Like freeze-dried astronaut food, and a first aid kit that has a hefty supply of morphine and sodium pentathol (for those pesky field euthanizations.) Lots of leather clothes, cuz I don’t know what these skinny bitches in the movies think they’re doing wearing skirts and shit.  Also, I’ll need some tools for when I break into the pharmacy to steal my lifetime supply of Zoloft (the zombie apocalypse is not the time to give into those pesky anxieties and compulsions!)  And let’s not forget weapons, because, somehow I don’t think a Nerf Blaster is gonna do the trick, not even a HEAT-seeking one.

Really, Jill?

Come to think of it, as long as I have the universal remote, I don’t really need anything else.  I can just click the “zombies off” button.