Bah! Humbug! Homesick for the Holidays

Ah, the smell of BBQ, like a campfire in the fall.  My Peppermint Patty coffee creamer.  The joys of experiencing the holiday through my toddler’s eyes…

The ridiculous crowds at Walmart, the rude drivers, the stress of not having enough money to buy groceries, let alone presents…

Oh, and it’s currently 69 degrees outside.  Bah! Humbug!

But all of this I could handle if I didn’t feel so down and out.  The holidays are drawing inexorably nigh and it’s looking less and less like I’m going to make it home to see my family.  I was going to hitch a ride with my uncle in his motor home (he generously offered last year,) but he told me they had planned on taking the car this year.  This was a few weeks ago, and he said if they changed their minds, of course we could ride with them…  But it’s hard enough for my husband to get time off for the holidays ahead of time, so the closer the holidays approach before we ask, the less likely he is to be allowed off of work.  Last year, as we were the only one’s whose family is almost exclusively (with the exception of my uncle) out of state, he was the only one of his coworkers who did not get to spend Christmas with his family…any of them, because the baby and I flew home by ourselves (oh, holy night…mare that I will never repeat!)  He had off Christmas of course, but as we live 800 miles away from family, one day just isn’t sufficient travel time.

If my uncle were able to take the motor home to MD this year, I’d tell Hubby to tell his boss that he was takin’ off, and tough titty said the kitty if they didn’t like it.  It’s not right.  Seems to me they could spare him for a few days, as everyone else at his job generally stays instate.

“Tough Titty…” (Tough Kitty)

It’s bad enough I only see my parents like 3 times a year now (and consequently, they only see their granddaughter 3 times a year.)  It’s killing me, and I know it’s killing my mom.

I miss my family and I want to move back home… but I also don’t want to.  Simply put, I’d only move back to MD because most of the family is there.  Frankly, I don’t like what the place has become.  I feel safer out here with the good ol’ redneck, racist, ignorant, fat hillbillies than I would back home where I’d fear getting mugged going to the freakin’ Wawa.  I realize part of this is perception, and that there is crime everywhere…  but according to my perception, it seems like the people out here are more ignorant than actually malicious.  Prime example; last year, in my home state, a guy I went to school with was stabbed to death in his own apartment when a seventeen year old hood broke in to steal the gun my classmate had for home protection.  Did I mention he knew the kid from around the neighborhood?  Did I also mention this guy was legally blind?  Who the fuck stabs a blind guy?

But back to the point, suffice it to say this conflict of feeling is causing me some distress…

Were we to magically discover hubby had the time off of work, thus allowing us the opportunity to drive ourselves home, then there’s the question of the $300 dollars in gas we’d likely need to get there– one way.  Would our POS Explorer even make it that far?

Assuming we’re grounded and we just have to accept it, how now am I going to afford to get everyone I want to gifts?  Our parents usually understand if we can’t afford to get them anything, but I like to buy for my sisters, and then their are my nieces and nephews, and my best friend’s kids, and my cousin’s kid…

Obviously I am not the first person to observe with no small trace of irony that this holiday is not supposed to be this stressful.

Yet I feel blue, and despite what I intellectually know and what I would tell others in my position, I feel like I deserve a big lump of coal in my stocking for not being able to give my family, and most importantly, my child, the things I want to be able to give them this holiday season.

Yeah, yeah, I know.  That’s not what the holiday is about, if they really care about us, they’ll understand, and all the baby needs is love…

So why do I still feel like a giant, disappointing piece of crap?

Bah! Humbug!

Arrogance: The Predictable Pathology of Badguys

*spoiler alert for those who haven’t seen 3000 Miles to Graceland or Live Free and Die Hard (thanks Smaktakula!)

The scene is this; having just pulled off a heist (with questionable success), five men dressed as the King (Elvis, not King Charles) narrowly escape in a helicopter. One is grievously wounded in the process. Despite Murphy’s (Kevin Costner) frantic and heroic efforts at resuscitation, “Franklin” dies on the floor. The camera pans to the faces of the others and all around there are looks of solemn reflection and sadness… it’s all very touching.

3000 Miles to Graceland

And the same thing goes through my mind EVERY TIME a movie bad guy gets his knickers all in a twist when one of his buddies gets greased. I just watched three of the four guys riding in that copter (not including the “getaway driver” pilot) slaughter security guards and cops wholesale, as well as a few innocent casino patrons, and (unless my eyes deceived me) a midget dressed as Elvis, with absolutely no compunction whatsoever (Not Kurt Russell‘s character, though, cuz Kurt’s the man.)  But one of their buddies gets what’s usually coming to them and they go nuclear.

Another example that comes immediately to mind is Timothy Olyphant‘s character in Live Free or Die Hard, when his accomplice and girlfriend, a “smoking hot little ninja chick,” gets her ass handed to her by Bruce Willis. Olyphant is furious, and he claims, with just the right amount of righteous indignation (and common improper use of grammar) that Willis has no idea what he is capable of. (Is it still considered gauche to end a sentence with a preposition?) Never mind that Olyphant and his crew (including Ninja Chick) have arbitrarily murdered anyone in their way, not to mention all the “incidental” deaths and collateral damage resulting from their “Fire Sale.”

Do these guys think they’re the only ones with people they care about? Or do they just not care? That’s more than likely the case…if they thought about it all.  In a way, the fact that it may never even cross their minds, that indifference, that indifference and arrogance, has the worst implications of all.  As if the “bad guys” consider their victims subhuman, or beneath their consideration at all.  And you might say, “Well duh…they’re BAD GUYS.”  I don’t think I need to expound upon, or drive home the parallels to our real life “bad guys.”

I give you enough credit to draw your own conclusions…and I’m tired of sitting at McDonald’s and using their WiFi.  😀  More later.  MWAH!

depressing and vitriolic- you have been warned

I had a dream about Caylee Anthony the other night.  She was smiling, laughing.  At first she was in a car.  I think the car swerving around or something.  I don’t remember seeing who was driving.  But the little girl was still laughing and smiling, playing.  She didn’t know the car was out of control.   Continue reading

The Unique Challenge of Serial Murder (orig. 04/2004, revised 2012)

All homicide cases represent their own set of investigative and administrative challenges for the police departments who must close them.  Although each police department’s administration may be slightly different, many aspects of murder investigation are similar and even standard.  Serial murder, however, is a unique crime, with unique characteristics, that often spans the boundaries of a single jurisdiction. Continue reading