Becoming a mom has definitely changed me. I’ve never been a kid person. But my kid is fucking awesome!
And now I am noticing something I hadn’t really noticed until I started posting on social media and reading comments on articles online; when the topic of kids comes up, it’s amazing how many people are hateful about children!
This morning, I saw this article on things parents shouldn’t say to non-parents. If you don’t wanna read the whole thing, I’ll just outline the points.
1) “Dogs are not Kids”- based on the premise that the people that always compare their pets to our kids actually do know this.
2) “You think you’re [insert anything here]? Try having kids!” Okay, I get what they’re saying about playing down others’ feelings, but if I’m exhausted from being up with my sick child, I don’t wanna hear about your post bar-hopping hangover woes.
3. “Don’t worry, when you have kids you’ll…” Firstly, the author is insulted that parents assume everyone wants kids. I definitely agree that’s not the case, and it does sound a bit condescending…
4. “Is the party kid-friendly?” I don’t see what the big deal is with this one. The author posits that unless you and your friend have a tacit understanding that your kids are always welcomed, you should assume they’re not. I personally think it should be the other way around. You call yourself my friend? Then you’ll know chances are that I prefer to do things with my husband and child rather than without. Common sense. At any rate, why should even asking this question be discouraged? By being insulted by the mere question, you’re just opening the door for miscommunication.
5. “My life didn’t have meaning before I had kids!” The author seems to assume this statement of personal feeling implies something about their life without children. To which I say, if that’s how you feel, the problem is with you, not me! I have not ever personally uttered this phrase because I don’t feel my life was meaningless before, just that it has more meaning now. But if I was to say it to a non-parent, it would not be to infer that I think their life is consequently meaningless, it would just be a statement of how I felt.
A couple of weeks ago I ran across a question on Yahoo! Answers asking people what they thought of a restaurant that banned kids under 18 (not a bar, a restaurant.) Almost without exception, the “answerers” were either under eighteens who felt this was insulting and discriminatory, and responses like “This is a great idea!,” full of inferences that if a person had an upset toddler they couldn’t possibly be a good parent. Let me tell you guys a secret…
I used to feel this way.
But– and you may not want to hear it– this IS one thing you can not know until you have your own kid… no matter what you think you’d do, or how you “plan” to be with your kids (should you wish to have them,) it is subject to change; you never really know what you’ll feel comfortable doing until you have to do it. I always thought if my kid acted up, I’d just bust her ass the way my mom did my sis and I when we were kids. We aren’t “emotionally scarred” (not much anyway.lol.) But now that I have a daughter, I find myself loath to lay a hand on her in anger. It’s just not how I want our relationship to be. I’m not the same
disdainful towards kids person I was before.
And the fact is that some people seem to forget that children are people too. They have feelings and thoughts and needs, and often not the maturity to frame them properly. And yet, by the way some adults behave, that sometimes never changes. Some people forget that they were kids once too.
At any rate, where’s the list of things that childless people shouldn’t say to parents, like telling us how to raise/discipline our kids, and or (#1) comparing their dog to our kids? My cats and dogs have always been like family to me, my furry kids. But…they do not require the same time, attention, or responsibility as a real child. Deal with it.
- Parents (meddlesomeness.wordpress.com)