Update (aka: What Sh*t is Going Down this Friday) (*updated)

The academic portion of my studies in dog training with the Animal Behavior College has nine stages.  Some of them are longer than others, and after each stage, I take an open book test.  I can study online any time, but I requested hard copies of the material.  It’s no extra charge and not only is it easier for me to study that way, with less note-taking, but I’ll also have the materials at hand for any future reference.  But my books haven’t come yet, and I didn’t want to waste time, as my first Stage Exam was due only a week after the projected date of the books’ arrival (April 19th,) so I started studying online.

This was about a week and a half ago.

Today, I got the grade for my Stage 3 exam!  Yes, I have completed three stages (or chapters, as I like to think of them,) and taken three exams.  I’ve gotten 94%, 97%, and 95% respectively.  The second stage exam was on learning theory.  Permit me to brag a moment… Wait! I don’t need your permission; this is my blog!  Anyway, my academic “handler” told me that he was pleasantly surprised by my score, as many students have trouble with that chapter.  I told him I’m sure my background in psychology helped, as this was kind of like a refresher.

Pavlov's Dog (photo: howstuffworks.com)

Pavlov’s Dog
(photo: howstuffworks.com)

Anyway, I’m really pleased with my progress, and have been checking the mail everyday on the off-chance my books come early (I received an email that they had been shipped, so it’s not out of the realm of possibility.)  I’d like to have them before starting Stage 4; I don’t want to take notes by hand anymore.  All I need is my trusty highlighter!

On another note, today is pizza day!  On Fridays, hubby and I often have a friend over and order either pizza or Japanese from Yamato.  I just found out Little Caesar’s still has/just got back their square, deep dish pizza.  And considering that I’ve sort of fallen off the strict calorie watching wagon (well, I was only ever hitching a ride on that bad boy to begin with,) I decided I needed to really torch some calories today.   Four pieces of that pizza will cost me about 1350 calories…  And let’s be real; I can easily eat four pieces.   Also, it’s ridiculous how excited I get over the prospect of yummy food.

New Image, courtesy of the AlienRedQueen

New Image, courtesy of the AlienRedQueen

See, you replace the dog food with…well, food food.  And that little dog there represents me– you can tell because of the eyeliner I added and the bad-ass doggie tattoo (there wasn’t enough room to put “Mom” on it.)

Now I’m just killing time, trying to kill calories, and keeping my kid happy until pizza time.

So, anyway, that’s my Friday in a nutshell.  How’s yours?

Update on the Update:  MY BOOKS ARE HERE!  Thank you, UPS man!

My goody box! Two head collars and a halter, as well as treat samples and a free Kong!  See my sexy polo shirt?

My goody box! Two head collars and a halter, as well as treat samples and a free Kong! See my sexy polo shirt?

North Korean Crime Stoppers

My hilarious blogger buddy, IG, at Political Incorrection (Phunny News) posted this story recently.  It’s short…take a quick peek… but to summarize, a North Korean Man was executed by firing squad for killing and eating his kids.

Despite the fact that this article is written in IG’s usual reporting style–that is, tongue-in-cheek (no pun intended)–  the quote from source material intimates that this is “not the first time the communist regime is believed to have punished residents who resorted to cannibalism in order to stay alive.”

So I guess the real question is if this man was punished for killing his children or for daring to defy is government.

That said, regardless of your feelings on communism, and the sad state of starvation that forces people to resort to cannibalism to live, you’ve got to admit that if the U.S. had a justice system this effective, our prison population would be a lot more manageable.  Even though there have been some studies that suggest the existence of capital punishment does not prevent or deter crime, I guarantee there’d be a lot less recidivism.

And let’s face it, especially given the epidemic of violence rampaging through the country, people who kill their own children (or any child ) deserve nothing less than swift justice and a preferably painful death.

Acne Magic Quick Tip #2: Warm Tea Bags

Admittedly, despite the inexplicable popularity of my first “magic potion”  tip, I was not intending on writing a lot of posts about beauty and facial care.  But here’s another quick zit fix, the efficacy of which I can attest to personally.  And the idea actually came from a tip a nurse gave me when my daughter got a flu vaccination.

She said that if the injection site got red and swelled, I could use a warm tea bag on it to take out some of the redness and inflammation.  So I got to wondering, would it do the same for those pesky (and very painful) subcutaneous pimples I sometimes get, (ones I refer to as underground zits.)

Turns out, it does.  Take a tea bag and run it under hot water, as warm as is comfortable, and then press the bag to the blemish.  (Hold it there with a paper towel to catch any tea that drips out.)  Within minutes, you will notice a difference in the size and redness of the pimple.  This is especially helpful when I’ve picked and squeezed at the damn thing, trying to get it to come to a head, but only accomplished making it bigger, redder, and more sore.

I’m not a dermatologist by any stretch, but I think it works for several reasons. Firstly, heat will open your pores and likely start to draw the blemish out.  Normally, to reduce swelling, an ice cube would probably be a safer bet, but I believe the tea has a sort of drawing salve effect, and the benefits of tea are well documented.  I have used this trick several times, and I don’t know if my blemishes necessarily heal any faster, but I definitely notice the short term effects of a reduction in size and redness.  At any rate, it’s cheap and easy, as most of you probably keep tea bags in your kitchen anyway.

Tea can also be used topically, as a tincture or a poultice, for cuts, burns, baggy eyes, or as an astringent.  It can also be ingested, different types of tea supposedly having different therapeutic benefits.  I’ll include some links below if you are interested in using tea or other herbs for health and beauty.

So…there’s your quick tip, and here’s your links.  Don’t say I never gave you anything!

common herbs and some of their uses

brewing therapy teas

I’m Meals on Wheels for the Stalker Now

I suppose I’m asking for trouble here.  But doing something nice for someone is never bad, is it?  Even if that person is my creepy senile stalker?  Actually, I’m doing it as much for my neighbor, Marie*, as anything else.  I was outside smoking a cigarette.  I had just laid DD down and was planning on following her example and taking a nice restorative nap.  But then Marie she came outside.  I could tell almost immediately by the way she was walking towards me, by her body language, even though her face was initially obscured by the fence between us, that something was not quite right.  When I asked what was wrong, she tearfully explained that she was worried Old Man didn’t have any food…  which considering his monthly income is ridiculous, yet completely plausible.

While he brings in easily 3k a month from Social Security or whatever, his incessant skirt chasing leads him to give it away to women.  Now he’s in debt because he can’t afford his own bills.  He has a car, which is somehow, inexplicably insured even though I’m pretty sure he has no license.  These women, a family of rejects, one of which is in jail/rehab for meth, come and use his car and then drop it back off when it’s out of gas.

But, okay… Marie is clearly upset, even though the Old Man annoys the piss out of both of us, and we know doing things for him is like tacitly encouraging him to rely on/ take advantage of our kindness.

She tearfully asked me, “Why do I feel like this?”

And I said, simply, “Because you’re a good person.”  She’s better than me.   But as much as it pains me to admit it, my heart is not made of stone (at least not completely,) so I told her I’d help her make him a huge tub of pasta that would feed him at least a few times.  I also told her that we were probably going to have to take more drastic measures with him, like trying to snag one of his relatives when they came by, or like calling social services, because neither of us can afford to feed ourselves, our families, and his dumb ass.  

But I told her not to tell him I helped, or rather, to tell him I made the extra pasta for her and she was just gonna give it to him.  I don’t want him thinking I’ll do shit for him, because he would totally take advantage of it, and, as I mentioned before in my other posts about him, he’d probably think it meant I was madly in love with him after all.  Who knows, maybe tonight would find him masturbating over a plate of pasta with a vacant expression on his irritating face.

Got a good mental picture of that? … You’re welcome.

A random old man eating spaghetti

So much for my nap.

The pot of pasta was huge, the most pasta I’ve ever made at one time.  I had Marie go over to Old Man’s place and ask to borrow a can of sauce, as she said she’d seen that he had a lot of sauce in his cupboards when her daughter helped move him to the next apartment over.  (Yeah, you read that right…Marie’s daughter and her husband helped move the Old Man.)  

Anyway, I was just gonna cook the noodles and toss the sauce in.  Normally I’d add veggies and other stuff for a better tasting, more nutritious meal.  But this whole thing was still sitting a little wrong with me, so I wasn’t about to use my family’s food to feed him, when it’s his own stupid fault if he can’t afford groceries.

But Marie suggested I just keep some for myself once I was done, so I added zucchini and onions and some extra sauce, and Marie and I each had a plate when the food was done.  I took a small container for my husband’s dinner later and packed the rest up for Old Man.

Voila.  There’s my good deed for the day.  Where he’s concerned, for the year.

But I guess it still does feel good to do something nice for someone…even if I sometimes want to smack that someone.

 

Rather Weighty, This

So, I’m probably way more excited then I should be, but I got a new elliptical.  It’s not like we really have any room in our tiny one bedroom apartment, but, dammit, I’ll make room.  I told my husband, “I have to do it.  I’m tired of being fat.”  He always just laughs at me.

Dammit Janet!

Dammit, hubby!

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