Introspection

It was recently brought to my attention that perhaps I am guilty of concerning myself too much with what happens to others…things that don’t directly affect me, I guess.  Social issues mainly.   Let me assure you, this criticism is actually something I am mulling over.  I am already fully aware I can seem angry sometimes from some of my posts.  And I AM angry.  I think sometimes I was a lot happier before I spent so much time online and became hyper-aware of how much hate there still is in this supposedly great country.  It makes me frustrated I can’t do more to change it, which is one of the reasons I write.  But I don’t think the things I am usually upset over are stupid.  Most are social issues that are farther reaching than just the impact they have on me personally.  If nothing else, this is the world my child, my daughter, must grow up in and that scares me sometimes.  The hate scares me.  The flagrant disregard for feelings and in many cases, life.  And by writing, I not only get to get some of the poison out of my system, I think deep down somewhere I can educate just ONE person, change just ONE mind.  Sometimes I write about “big” things (religion, gay rights, women’s rights, etc.)  Some times I impart info that may seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things.  It may be something as small as me trying to convince someone not to squish a spider or kill snake out of reactionary fear or revulsion.  I’m trying to effect a positive change, even a small one.  I care about these things.  And yet I DO have to pick and choose what to care too much about or else I’d go nuts (more nuts.)  Choose my battles, so to speak.

This big ass guy was sunbathing in my kid's old kiddie pool today.  He was gross as hell, but I fished him out with a stick anyway so he wouldn't drown...

This big ass guy was sunbathing in my kid’s old kiddie pool today. He was gross as hell, but I fished him out with a stick anyway so he wouldn’t drown…

Also, as much as I bitch, which I will admit is quite a bit, I do also try to put positive things out there too.  Art, for one. Fiction and poetry.  I love animals and I like to pass things on regarding animals, especially goofy cat and dog memes, because they make me smile and I want to make others smile.  I love to laugh and I love to make people laugh.

So I apologize if I seem to complain a lot.  I have always found angst and anger lubricate my writing skills a lot better than fluffy bunnies and summer breezes or whatever.  But that does not mean that is all I am.  But if it bothers you too much, you can always stop reading.  I may be sorry to see you go.  But then I’m going to go watch Scrubs and pet my cat.

Shiro makes me smile...

Shiro makes me smile…

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Weekend Introspection

–Sometimes I can be arrogant, and disdainful of other people… but I think at least some of the time, this stems from the frustration I feel at being unable to do anything significant to affect the bad behavior of others.

For instance, today while reading a blog entry on Own Your Shit, (don’t you just love that name?)  I realized after I posted it, how my comments could possibly be construed as arrogant.   I sound as if I feel superior, morally and intellectually, to those careless and self-involved enough to enjoy our beautiful world and yet pollute it with their garbage and ruin it for others.  In a way, I guess I do feel superior…but whether or not you agree with my assessment of their behavior or my own, I believe part of the reason I feel so resentful of them is my inability to reach enough of them to make a difference, and the very real likelihood that it wouldn’t make a difference even if I could.  You can’t argue with self-involved.  You can’t argue with stupid.

Image courtesy of http://littermob.blogspot.com/ .   Check out this site; their efforts on behalf of Mother Earth are commendable.

Image courtesy of “littermob“. Check out this site; their efforts on behalf of Mother Earth are commendable.

— The second “revelation” for the weekend is that maybe I need a change in my perspective when it comes to my smoking.  I should apply the same no bullshit philosophy I have on so many other things and with so many other people to myself.  Basically, you can’t have everything you want.  I should stop being selfish, because even though I enjoy smoking, it would be better for my health (and wallet) if I didn’t, and I owe it to my daughter to be healthy and provide a better example for her.

Oooor, I could just be rationalizing another excuse to quit smoking and thus reduce the anxiety I feel over it.