In Which I Comment About A Movie I Haven’t Yet Finished

Bored with your DVD collection?  Try watching a subtitled movie with a toddler.  You’ll likely get a different plot every time.  Last night hubby and I started watching The Sorcerer and the White Snake.  We’ve had this on our Netflix queue for a while and I figured it was just a typical Jet Li martial arts movie.  Don’t get me wrong, I like both Jet Li and martial arts movies, but I haven’t been in a martial arts movie mood lately.  But hubby put it on last night for a while, and although it’s definitely a challenge watching a movie that required actual reading of subtitles, I got the gist of most of the plot, just missed some convos between characters here and there.  But we never got to finish the movie, and who knows when we will…

images

In many ways this was a typical martial arts film, but it had a lot of Chinese mysticism thrown in there– talking animals and shape-changing demons– as if it were the most natural thing in the word.  Now for your entertainment (and my own,) I’ll extrapolate some possible “interpretations” of scenes from the movie… and, shockingly, virtually no spoilers.*

"We are having so much fun frolicking in this field!"

“We are having so much fun frolicking in this field!”

"You only want me for my body..."

“You only want me for my body…”

"Mmmm...it really does taste like chicken..."

“Mmmm…it really does taste like chicken…”

Now this scene…pretty easy really.

A look like this usually says one of two things: 1) I'm dying, or 2) I love you and I'm gonna suck your face off now.

A look like this usually says one of two things:
1) I’m dying, or
2) I love you and I’m gonna suck your face off now.

What about this one?

"Be gone, foul temptresses!"

“Be gone, foul temptresses!”

"Ooooh! Jet Li!  Can we get your autograph?!"

“Ooooh! Jet Li! Can we get your autograph?!”

"Mah bitches..."

“Mah bitches…”

And lastly…

"mmmmm...boobies..."

“mmmmm…boobies…”

So anyhoo…sorry I’ve been lazy with my posts and comments lately.  I’ll try to be better…maybe.  In the meantime, maybe check out this movie.  Maybe even watch it without the subtitles…

Advertisements

All You Need to Know About The Expendables 2

*may contain one or two tiny, itsy, bitsy spoilers

The Expendables 2

1) Jet Li is ten pounds of kick-ass in a five pound bag.

2) Chuck Norris jokes are even funnier when said by Chuck Norris.

3) Charisma Carpenter’s boobs have indeed gotten huge-ish since Buffy.

Charisma Carpenter on Burn Notice

4) Chuck Norris is seventy-fuckin’- two years old… still pretty bad-ass.

5) Danny Trejo is not in this movie; why isn’t Danny Trejo in this movie?  He and Dolph Lundgren can have a hand-to-hand with their big blades.  (A hand-to-hand fight, pervert.  Get your mind out of the gutter!)

Danny Trejo as…Machete

6) Comedic lines deliver callback-like nods to the main actors’ other films throughout the movie.  The following conversation between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis occurs:

 Schwarzenegger: “I’m out of ammo. I’ll be back.”

Willis:  “You’ve been back enough. I’ll be back!”

Schwarzenegger: “Yippee-ki-yay!”

Yes…that actually happened.

7)  Almost half of the main characters can or will soon be able to qualify for Social Security.  Only four of the guys on Barney Ross’s (Stallone) crew are under 50, not counting Gale…I mean, Liam Hemsworth… but the odds are not especially ever in his favor.  (<— See what I did there?)

and did I mention

8) Holy shit, these 80’s movies guys look like been rode hard and put away wet!

Dolph Lundgren

Stallone: “That thing belongs in a museum.”

Schwarzenegger: “We all do.”