Happy Birthday, Maynard!

I’ve been very lazy of late… Don’t judge me! I wanted to have a new Maynard post ready for today, to celebrate my favorite musician’s birthday, but I’m sleep deprived, and I have cramps, and I just realized my old Victoria’s Secret underwear has become my period panties and my new Joe Boxer underwear is now my good underwear, and that just hits me on a very emotional level.

SO here’s last years Maynard Birthday Post! Yay!

alienredqueen

Happy Birthday to my favorite person I wish I knew but actually don’t, Maynard James Keenan.  One of my all-time favorite artists who, I am happy to say, is still among the land of the living, and still making kick-ass music.  If you need even more reasons why I love Maynard, check out these videos of Maynard…being Maynard.    

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Midwinter Night’s Dream & My Other Husband

I had an absolutely mind-boggling dream last night.  There was music, crowd-surfing, werewolves/vampires, tattoos, horses, diamonds, sex, and…Maynard.

I’m going to try to relay the highlights, but now it has that loose narrative and hazy chronological sequence that defies any attempts to make sense once you’re awake.

I’m at this concert in this big dark space.  I’m sitting against a corner wall near the middle of the room.  Check out my bad-ass Paint diagram.

"X" marks the spot

“X” marks the spot…

And who should be sitting next to me but Marilyn Manson… only he’s yelling stupid things at the stage where Maynard is singing, trying to be cool or something.  And I tell him to shut up.  And he kisses me and tries to stick his hand in my pants.   And I’m like, no way, dude.  What kind of woman do you think I am?   I also seem to remember telling him my age, but lying and saying I was 29 instead of 31.  At some point, he (I think it’s him) picks me up and throws me in the air, and I am crowd surfing all over the room.  Eventually, I end up somewhere across the room, and the person holding me up is Trainer Bob, and he asks me for something (I can’t remember what,) but in return, I ask him for a favor– get me closer to Maynard.

"Whaaat?"

“Whaaat?”

At this point, as I pass near the stage, it looks more like a backstage tête-à-tête than a concert.  Maynard is sitting in a chair and his entourage is busy around him.  He’s not looking his usual put together self.  His face looks haggard and broken out…but I still love him anyway.

At some point I have circled the room and am dropped off near MM again.  He is also not looking his best… turns out he’s balding on top and wearing a black hairpiece to cover it up.  He flops the piece back on his head, and– voila!– instant sleek!  There are a lot of faces I recognize, mostly from high school, in the crowd.  At one point I am in a line near a side exit and a guy behind me (who I think I was supposed to know) was staring at me lasciviously and making menacing remarks.

At some other point, I found myself near the stage again.  This is about the point where I felt some sort of threat, as if I was being chased or hunted, by a werewolf, perhaps.  Maynard and his crew finally acknowledge me and hand me a small tray to which is affixed a variety of silver pieces (barettes? small styluses? I don’t know), but in the dream I knew what they were for– protection against my pursuers.

And now Maynard is close to me …

tumblr_m4itfanrkQ1qawp6m

…and we’re talking about our tattoos and he’s helping me fit these gi-normous fake fangs onto my teeth (more protection, I think?)

…and then there was this pretty horse, with kind of a pale palomino beige color in the head area and a dainty, thin nose.  I was told to let it eat, so I walked it to the area near the back wall of the main room, where there was a little inlet with a mound of hay.

A stall in the middle of a concert venue...weird, I know...

A stall in the middle of a concert venue…weird, I know…

And then I was riding the horse around a trail (still in the concert venue) and it was like I was on a parade circuit or something.  One of Maynard’s lackeys was giving me all this fancy jewelry.  It was for, like, some mock video where we were getting married or something.  They took my wedding ring off and threw it on the ground, and I asked one of the girls to retrieve it and put it somewhere safe.  She didn’t so I went back to get it and put it on another finger.  The ring that the girl had given me as a wedding ring was big but all the diamonds were like little marcasite-looking stones… you know, all pomp but no real value… and I was like, Well, this ring is unacceptable… 

img-thing

Marcasite ring (photo: polyvore.com)

Soooo…

You’re leaving something out, you say.

Oh, you mean the sexy part?

Yeah, of course we mean the sexy part.

What I do on my fake wedding night with my fake husband (who also happens to be a talented and hot musician) is my business, you pervs!

I don't know who took this picture, but it wasn't me.

I don’t know who took this picture, but it wasn’t me.

More Ink Ideas

When I go home for Christmas, I wanna get my arm worked on, working towards a half-sleeve.  This is what I have there now.  Kinda hard to see, but it’s a raven on a crescent moon, under a willowy tree.  One artist started the tat, and worked on it twice.  I decided two chances was enough, cuz he couldn’t quite get it how I liked it.  A guy I used to date who tattoos practically begged me to let him “fix it.”  He added all the color and swirly clouds and tree roots and stuff, but there wasn’t much he could do to bring the bird out anymore.

tatme

 

Anyway, I had a visit from the insomnia monster last night.  SO much stuff going on in my mind– sorrow over the recent school shooting, the song “Thomas,” by A Perfect Circle (my love of Maynard should be well documented by now,) and ideas for tattoos…  I was sad but anxious and excited.  My stomach was upset, which is not uncommon if I get too anxious… so at about two in the morning, I ended up sitting on my living room floor, hubby asleep on the couch behind me, listening to A Perfect Circle and drawing.  I don’t get to draw much anymore.  I have a LOT of activities I’m interested in- writing, drawing, volleyball- and I have a two year old.  Some things are bound to get neglected, and it seems like my drawing is one of them (so is housework 😀 )

So, without further…pontification… this is what I came up with last night/this morning.  I’d like the whole half-sleeve to be a raven motif.

IMG_2851.clipSorry for the poor picture quality, but if I can get in touch with my artist, give him this idea, and then let him freehand the rest, it’ll look badass!

And now, for your musical enrichment and listening enjoyment, “Thomas”:

 

 

Maynard: The Sky is Falling

Anyone who knows me knows I’m basically an unabashed “Maynard” fangirl.  I’m a grown adult with a husband and small child, but Maynard possesses the power to turn me into a simpering, obsessed teenager (I’m sure he’d just revel in the knowledge…)

 

Musician, actor, comedian, winemaker, family man- he does it all, and all with an air of unassuming humility that is highly seductive in its own right.  And now, he’s added another feather to his proverbial cap; writer/columnist for Up on the Sun and Phoenix New Times.  Maynard will be penning a bi-weekly column, thus giving us even more access to his particular brand of pragmatic insight.

 

The first article for the column dropped today:
http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com/uponsun/2012/09/maynard_james_keenan.php?page=2

 

My Related articles:

 

https://alienredqueen.wordpress.com/2012/03/27/maynard-portrait-of-a-musical-visionary/

 

 

 

People I Would Have an Affair With (Fall 2012)

Alright, in the spirit of “you-can’t-have-too-much-of-a-good thing” and “there’s-no-such-thing-as-bad-sex,” I’m gonna take a proverbial page from my friend Heather’s blog and give you guys my version of the “People I’d Have an Affair With” list.  I highly doubt it will be as funny as Heather’s because, well, I would never have sex with a guy that had a mullet, for one.  And also because at least some of the people on my list actually are good-looking and/or talented, not “unlikely” crushes… but, here goes.  And don’t bother trying to blackmail me with this list at a later date, because my husband is already well aware of whose love-child I’d have and who I’d give up my alimony for. Continue reading

Happy Birthday, Maynard!

Happy Birthday to my favorite person I wish I knew but actually don’t, Maynard James Keenan.  One of my all-time favorite artists who, I am happy to say, is still among the land of the living, and still making kick-ass music.  If you need even more reasons why I love Maynard, check out these videos of Maynard…being Maynard.    

Maynard: Snapshot of a Musical Visionary

I’ve been wanting to write this article for a while, but the prospect of trying to unravel the complex mystery that is Maynard James Keenan is fairly daunting.

singing at 1997 Equinox Festival (toolshed.down.net)

singing at 1997 Equinox Festival (toolshed.down.net)

Continue reading