Things said in homes with children

Sometimes, as a parent, you say things you never thought you’d say.  You say them without thought…and then you pause…  Did I just say that?  Did that just come out of my mouth?

Sometimes it’s pretty straight forward, something that is common sense for most adults, but needs to be spelled out for a child.  That doesn’t mean it’s not still hilarious that you actually have to utter the words:

“Please don’t shoot peepee all over the floor…” 

…to a girl…

And then there are the offhand remarks that, upon a moment’s consideration, sound horrifically inappropriate without a frame of reference.

J* got a Mr Potatohead for Christmas from my dad and stepmother. (Yes, I know it’s early yet;  Gifts came in the mail, we opened ’em!)  If you haven’t seen the “new and improved” version of Mr. P, he has pants now, and a nifty little trap door in the back to hold some of his spare parts. It opens up kinda like the button downbutt-flap in those weird, old skool pajamas. It’s that dang little compartment that led to my  ruination  moment of pause today, as I told my three year old,

Here, put the tongue back here in his butt so you know where it is the next time you want it.

For those of you who still feel you need an explanation, how about a pictorial?

What I was thinking when I said it...

What I was thinking when I said it…

What it sounded like...

What it sounded like…

Parents, hit me up with some of your best “Things said in homes with children…”

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