Three Routinely Ignored Gaming “Rules” (rated M for Mature)

*this article was originally posted on and for To the Controller! Gaming  and is being re-posted here as a re-blog.  I am the original author of this content on To the Controller! Gaming

[Hi! I’m pleased to say I have become an “official” writer for To the Controller! Gaming.  Rather than write a lengthy (read: boring) introduction of myself, let this piece serve, and if you want to know more you can visit me on my own personal blog, alienredqueen.  Okay, now on with the show!]

Every online gamer worth their salt has read the gaming etiquette rulebook- (ACK! PANIC! What??! There’s a RULEBOOK???)  Sorry, just kidding.  But there are certain etiquette guidelines that seemed to have become established alongside the growing popularity in online gaming over the years.  RPGs are no longer the bailiwick of virgin computer nerds with bad acne and a sugar addiction.   MMO communities have spawned in abundance and XBOX, PlayStation, and now Wii have long since dragged online gaming to the forefront, kicking and screaming.

More and more people are getting into online cooperative play, and naturally, anytime you have more than 4 people in one spot (even one “cyber” spot), squabbling breaks out.  What’s more, there’s an old adage that goes something like, For every action, there is an equal, but more likely ruder and wildly obscene online reaction.   I think it’s, like, Newton’s 34th law or something.

Anyone who has spent more than 2 seconds on the internet in their whole life has probably run into the issue that results from the fact that people who are assholes in life become even bigger assholes online due to the assumed anonymity of hiding behind their keyboard.  In addition, weeny little pussies who would never stand up for themselves, let alone another person, suddenly grow balls bigger than Ron Jeremy‘s and think they can trash talk to their heart’s content.

One would think that not being rude, aggressive, or unduly obscene (I must qualify that last, because I enjoy a healthy dose of obscenity as much as the next person) would be rules that were obvious and self-evident.  Because they should be.  They are obvious.  And as such, they are of course, routinely ignored.  Losers are taunted, noobs are harangued, female gamers are harrassed, and insults are hurled.

But I will admit to my essential noobishness and say that, although I have been a gamer for many years and have tried the occasional online MMO, I just got my PS3 a couple of months ago and am pretty new to console online co-op situations.  (I know, I know.  Let me know when you’re finished laughing…)

Anyway, I was a bit surprised to discover some of the unpleasant habits that other gamers exhibited.  My game of choice right now is Resident Evil 5 (okay, let’s face it, anything from the RE franchise is always my game of choice) so I haven’t run into a lot of group situations as seen in typical RPGs like Final Fantasy and the like.  Which means I haven’t been extensively trash-talked…yet.  But I have run into quite a few “breaches of etiquette,” from here on referred to as assholery, that surprised me.  They are the following:

1) Quitting before the end of the game-

Apparently, if you search “gaming etiquette” online, I am not the first person to be dismayed, and ultimately, incon-fuckin’-venienced by some moron who either gets you repeated killed and then bails without a word or who decides, after you bang a  50+ Combo out of their head, that you are suddenly no longer worth their time.

Okay, I get it.  Shit happens and sometimes you just have to go…and if you don’t have a mic, you can’t very well tell your partner before you leave.  But you could drop them a message later on, maybe… Sorry I left you high and dry.  My kid was trying to stuff the cat in the dryer…  or whatever.  I have a kid.  I get it.

Which brings me to my next point.

2)  Headset etiquette-

Maybe you missed the segue.  That’s okay.  I don’t expect everyone to follow the convoluted brilliance that is my mind.  Rules of headset etiquette include, but are not limited to a) refraining from loud yelling or obscene language, talking to another peron in the same room while gaming, and playing loud music while on headset b) not using racial slurs c) refraining from eating crunchy food, d) trying not to over-do it on the trash talk, and lastly (and this one must be important because I have seen it more than once) e) do not tell Michael Jackson jokes

Now I and many of the people I have played with have broken many of these rules.  If I know the person well, I excuse myself, and proceed to chew my food in their ear.  I am obscene.  I am profane.  I like me that way.  If you don’t, you may politely excuse yourself (see Rule #1) and get the fuck out of my gaming session.

I also saw on one forum regarding headset etiquette, someone had added something like”And shut that f@cking crying baby up!”  Okay, assbag.  I take issue with that one.  I have a 20 month old.  They cry sometimes.  I will never, EVER yell at my kid for crying if she has a legitimate reason, especially not to appease some nasty, common sense deficient and socially stunted prick that I don’t even know.

Now, moving on…  this last one is one that most online gamers are probably familiar with.

3) Camping (specifically, ganking)

My first experience with this was in one of RE5′s DLC modes.  There are two main delineations under Versus.  One is Slayers mode, wherein you try to kill more enemies than the other players.  The other is Survivors, wherein you are trying to actually kill the other players.  At least, that was my understanding of it as described in the game menu.  Apparently I was mistaken.  I purposely chose Slayers because it was not my desire to fight against players that I don’t know in a PvP death-match.  I may seem like a confrontational person, but that’s just too much fucking stress.  I know how cut-throat people can be, and it’s not my idea of fun.

But as I was merrily running along blasting Majini with my triple barrel shotgun, I realized I was taking damage…from bullets.  I died three different times in fairly rapid succession before I realized, “Hey, these douchbags are trying to kill me!”

I suppose I should have just quit right then and there, but I decided I would dish out a nice return helping of shut the fuck up with my Magnum.  All of a sudden, as I am gunning down one of my targets from the next roof over, I hear distantly in my earpiece *chshkkkk~static crackle* “oh, okay, bitch.”

It sounded almost as if she was talking to herself or thinking out loud.  I immediately fired back, “I CAN HEAR YOU, BITCH!”  Needless to say, when no further trash-talk was forthcoming, this confirmed my suspicion that the dopey bitch had simply forgotten I could hear her.

There are many more guidelines to online gaming etiquette, but before I go, I’d like to add one that, although it may exist, I have not yet seen.  And that is this;

If you are hosting a game session, and are waiting for another specific gamer to join, for fuck’s sake, please make it a private session, instead of just repeatedly booting off random people who try to join.  I can not even say how many times I have cruised the session boards looking for a game to join, only to be tossed out on my cyber-duff because some jerk was too ignorant or lazy to make their gaming session private.  The whole purpose of those boards is for people to find someone else to play with when they want to play co-op.  You’re just being rude.

Well, I think I’ve said all I need to say for now…  At any rate, I’m almost positive I’ve said all you’re willing to read.  I will bid you adieu for now and hope to see you again (if Sean doesn’t immediately rescind my invitation to write for him, due to my horrific, yet mesmerizing command of foul language. ) Until we meet again…

Resident Evil: Retribution– Please, no more!

*This article is a discussion and overview of the film series, and while plot points are not discussed in detail there may be a few small spoilers, so reader beware.

I think the moment the Resident Evil film franchise went downhill was the beginning of the third film.  As soon as Milla launched into that tired monologue about Umbrella, it should have been a clue that it was the beginning of the end for the film series.  When will filmmakers learn that just because something has worked well before does not mean it should be repeated, ad nauseam?

When the third film opened on a desolate post-apocalyptic world, devoid of not only most human life, but much plant-life an water too I think I knew we were in trouble.  When the writers of Resident Evil: Extinction dumped Alice (whose character has no origins in the game series, other then supposedly being modeled “after the strong women in the Resident Evil games”) into that barren, desert-like wasteland, they erased much of the human element from the series.  Still, they attempted to hold viewers’ interest by dropping Hollywood heavyweights like Ali Larter, Oded Fehr, and Iain Glen into roles that corresponded with more popular characters creatures from the video games series.  (I say “more” because Resident Evil: Apocalypse did include a few game characters/creatures, notably Jill Valentine and the bio-weapon, Nemesis.)  The refugees that banded together for survival under the guidance of Claire Redfield and Carlos Olivera were still enough of a “human” touch to hold the film together, but by the time the fourth live action film, Afterlife, came out, the series was slowly circling the drain.

All of the clones that Alice had rescued at the end of Extinction seemed destined for some great rising up, only to be killed off rather unceremoniously in the first ten minutes or so of Afterlife.  It seemed (to me anyway) like the writer Paul W. S. Anderson, set up a scenario at the end of the third film that he was not prepared to see through.  Ali Larter reprised her role as Claire Redfield and Wentworth Miller came on board as Chris Redfield.  Albert Wesker and an “evil” Jill Valentine also made an appearance, however even the star power and in-game references couldn’t totally stave off the film’s inevitable descent into ridiculousness.

Resident  Evil: Retribution, the series fifth film, was… well, it was a bomb.  Stale  references to previous films and seemingly hastily re-introduced (and almost equally hastily killed off) characters from previous films only seemed to highlight the faults of this film.  The human element, the one that is fairly important if you want your viewers to actually care about the characters or their fates, was too sorely lacking.  To further support my point, I’d have to say the most interesting part of this movie for me was the very beginning where the family wakes up to a seemingly normal, pre-apocalypse day and are suddenly besieged by zombies.  (The family is comprised of Milla, Oded, and a little girl, who are all later revealed to be clones created for simulations in the giant recreated cities.) And I won’t even go into the spurious insertion of the Las Plagas element from the fourth RE game.  They might as well have left it out completely out for the handling it received.

The only thing that made these last few films even worthwhile were the outstanding creatures, like the bad-ass executioner inspired by the one in the Resident Evil 5 game, and the Lickers, which have always been a personal favorite of mine.  The giant Licker in Retribution was delightfully scary and gross.

Someone please execute this movie and put it out of its misery…

Super Licker …will lick u to deff?

As to the rest of the film… maybe they should have bombed this film with Raccoon City.  At any rate, me thinks it’s time to bury this series and let it stay dead.  And considering what a RE fan I have revealed myself to be in past posts, that’s saying something!

“Anderson’s gonna write a new Resident Evil film??? Quick, nuke the script!”

The Visuals of Trine 2 (re-blog)

I played the demo for this game tonight, and WOW!

To the Controller! Gaming

Okay, this will be brief, because it’s not really a “review,” as I have not played  Trine 2  in its entirety (yet).  However, I was so immediately taken with the stunning colors and gorgeous backgrounds in this fantasy side-scrolling platformer that I felt compelled to share something about the game here.

The game follows three different characters, a magician, a knight, and a thief, and the trick to getting through the deceptively beautiful details of the various boards is learning when and how to use each character’s skills effectively.

The controls for what little portion I played were easy enough to master; each character has a few signature “skills” that come in handy for navigating the terrain, which looks very three dimensional but only allows for vertical and lateral movement.  A little more difficult (for me at least) was determining how to use the terrain and the characters’…

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Here We Go Again ~sigh~ (re-blog)

Another article I originally wrote for To The Controller! Gaming

…And the adventures in gaming just keep coming for this “girl” gamer.  I saw this on MemeBase somewhere, and worse than the actual content (which is hard to read anyhow) were the ensuing comments, shining examples of  chauvinism and idiocy at their finest.

The best (worst) of these little gems was the assertion that gamer girls are deserving of “no sympathy” because most of them only hang around in the gamer lobbies to get attention from guys.

Some might defend this sentiment saying, “Well, he didn’t say ALL gamer girls are like that, just most.  I suppose I could use the same logic and flip the scenario then; “most gamer guys will hit on the female gamer shamelessly the first chance they get.”  Not fair or accurate, is it?

After reading through a lot of the comments, from men and boys, girls and (hopefully) gamer women, I would hazard a guess that the attention-seeking that goes on has more to do with an adolescent frame of mind (not age, necessarily, but mentality) than it does the shape of gentalia in the gamer’s pants!

As to the assertion that us girls just want attention in the lobbies, I’ll say this: I am 30 years old (31 next month, eh hem, ~cough~)  I am not a girl.  I am a woman.   And secondly, I have a husband and a 2o month old.  When I DO have time to game, you can be damn sure I’m not going to spend it hanging around online waiting for horny adolescents to hit on me.  Actually, what’s worse is that lately, the guys that hit on me online actually are closer to MY age than their teen years!  Adult men (who should know better and act better) sending me messages saying that I “sound gorgeous” (on my bluetooth) and calling me “Princess.”  Fuckin’ REALLY?!

It’s not as if my gamer tag ADVERTISES my female-ness.  I am thinking that as soon as they hear my voice on the bluetooth (even if they don’t have one, my voice may be heard on their TV speakers if my headset is on!)  a bell goes off in their head (balls?): “GIRRRRRRL!”

Perhaps some of my irritation and malaise with this ridiculousness has to do with the fact that this extends into my “real” life as well.  My 70- some year old neighbor who thinks he’s Casanova is always telling me how “good [I] look.”  An old school mate and Facebook acquaintance has repeated made lascivious remarks to me this week, despite knowing I am married.  (He’s got one more strike before being defriended!)  And it’s not like I’m Angelina Jolie or anything.  I’m not trying to give that impression at all.  But that doesn’t seem to matter either.

Now I may seem like the type of no-bullshit person who would just cram said jerks’ balls back down their throats…but I really do prefer to resolve issues without conflict and hurt feelings.  I like to “make friends” and don’t like to be on the receiving end of nastiness either if I can help it.  I am a “second-chance” giver.

But I might have to rethink my policy on handling these types of “friends,” both online and off.  Maybe I should just handle them the way I handle player killers!  Playr killerz get Playr killd, beeetches!

To the Controller! Gaming

…And the adventures in gaming just keep coming for this “girl” gamer.  I saw this on MemeBase somewhere, and worse than the actual content (which is hard to read anyhow) were the ensuing comments, shining examples of  chauvinism and idiocy at their finest.

The best (worst) of these little gems was the assertion that gamer girls are deserving of “no sympathy” because most of them only hang around in the gamer lobbies to get attention from guys.

Some might defend this sentiment saying, “Well, he didn’t say ALL gamer girls are like that, just most.  I suppose I could use the same logic and flip the scenario then; “most gamer guys will hit on the female gamer shamelessly the first chance they get.”  Not fair or accurate, is it?

After reading through a lot of the comments, from men and boys, girls and (hopefully) gamer women, I…

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RE5: “Wait…are those genitals?”

Alright, let’s skip the foreplay and jump right into the meat of this thing; despite the (very) obvious fan service with characters like “battlesuit” Jill and Excella Gionne (yikes!) fans of Resident Evil 5 may have noticed some definite sexual connotations about some of the various enemy creatures and bosses throughout the game.

Are those things taped in there???

New Resident Evil 6 Trailer Reveals Exciting Changes

Seriously…I think I just peed a little.

RE5: The AI Partner Experience (Artificial Irritation)

Sheva Alomar and Chris Redfield (RE5)

What this picture should show is AI Sheva standing directly in Chris’ sight-line while he tries to kill multiple pissed off enemies that wield spiky spears, and wonky spider-bugs try to jump on your back.