Good-bye to Another Friend

Got word today via Facebook (again! Damn you with your double edged sword of keeping me in touch with people/always being the “first” to break bad news.)  I suppose I should just be glad I found out at all, living as far away from most of my high school friends as I do.    We lost another person from our graduating class.  It feels like our class has lost quite a few people these past few years.  We’re only 32-34 years old.  We’ve lost friends to epilepsy, cancer, suicide, even murder.

My friend Scott passed this weekend.  He was one of my homeroom buddies back in high school, and unlike a lot of Facebook “acquaintances,” we actually did still interact with one another on Facebook.  Oddly, in some ways I learned more about him from Facebook than our time back in high school– like, for instance, what a sensitive soul he actually was.  This is so weird because…and I know it sounds so obvious it’s stupid, but…  he was just here not too long ago.  Now he’s not.

It seems most of us (that is, the people in our class, our “mutual friends” on Facebook,) don’t know cause of death; it’s being kept quiet right now…which for me tends to rule out accident, illness, etc.  And I guess it doesn’t really matter how he died.  He is just as gone.  And yet, knowing seems to be a piece in coming to terms with the loss…and in some cases, satisfying a sort of morbid curiosity many of us feel towards the death of someone we know who is not necessarily in our immediate circle of friends.  Along the same vein, I can’t help but be annoyed by the requisite number of busybodies and drama mongers (online), attempting to put themselves in the middle of everything, trying to make the loss somehow more about them.  (You disgust me, but this isn’t the time for me to call you out on it.)

Because of the internet and social networking, we are now highly in tune with the everyday goings-on of people we might not get to otherwise interact with regularly.  We get our news fast (sometimes too fast, and in a less than sensitive manner.)  It makes me wonder, are all these losses just a normal part of “growing up,” aging?  Are the amount of deaths in our age group just the relatively normal “fall off” of people, and we are only so aware of it because of the internet?

It’s also weird to think about it…like I said, he was here, now he’s not.  Chances are, he didn’t know he wouldn’t be here today.  Did he know how many people would miss him?  Tag his name in Facebook statuses and say nice things about him…

 

And (quietly) *to myself*…

One day will I be just a tagged name on Facebook? 

 

In Memory Of Scott (1981-2014)

 

Related:

Rest In Peace, Jer and Ricky

Things Not to Say/Rest in Peace, Greg

“Religious Freedom,” or just plain old Discrimination?

George Takei posted this on his Facebook page today.

This is just to reiterate; you can’t pass legislation that is fundamentally against the constitution.

This is bullshit.  Your rights only go as far as until they infringe on someone else’s.  Being gay and patronizing a restaurant, for instance, does not infringe on the owner’s “religious” rights (There is no legal right to discriminate against anyone– it’s unconstitutional.)  However, refusing to serve someone because they are gay is discrimination and is ILLEGAL…

A word on tolerance…

A friend of mine made an eloquent point on Facebook today (how’s that for irony; eloquence on Facebook!)

HE said:

Don’t be intolerant of my conservatism and ask me to be tolerant of your liberalism.

While I do agree with this, especially in light of the whole Phil Robertson debacle, my take on it is this:

I personally do not feel I am intolerant of conservatism, so much as I am intolerant of the almost compulsive need many conservatives  have to try to legislate their beliefs. In other words, it’s not enough for them to live by their own beliefs and rules; they want make their rules apply to everyone. I mean, for instance, if liberal policy allows gays to marry, a conservative does not need to “be gay” and/or get married if they don’t agree with it.  A liberal will not try to pass a law forcing a straight person to get “gay married.”  However, conversely, many conservatives feel the need to actually try to keep OTHERS from getting married and living the life they want…. See what I mean?

Also, as pertains to Phil, I do feel sorta bad he got fired. CQ essentially laid a trap by asking him questions to which they already knew the answer, and A & E then punished him for his honest opinion.  Personally, I think A & E has hitherto cashed in on the brash, unapologetic nature of the Robertson family, only now distancing themselves when it becomes too “controversial.”   That said, Phil should have know better.  The best answers to questions like the one he was asked are usually as short as possible.  Admittedly I do not watch the show; I’ve heard about it and had little desire to see one more reality show where people are rewarded with fame and money for acting like dicks, and Robertson’s remarks just seem to validate my decision to skip this particular show.

Open mouth, insert duck call…

Grammar Police: Acceptable vs. Non-acceptable Ignorance

If I posted a status on Facebook claiming that there were 52 states in the US or that 2+2=7, people would in all likelihood not only correct me, but also lambaste the shit out of me for being so ignorant.

And yet, it’s considered passe, annoying, and even rude to correct improper grammar.  People like myself* me are often referred to as “grammar nazis,” as if preferring people use correct English, which we were supposed to have learned in school, is something about which to be embarrassed.

Aside from wanting to grind my teeth into dust when I see people who should know better mix up “your” and “you’re,”  the educational and social double standard that this is somehow acceptable annoys the piss out of me.  These same people who complain about grammar nazis are likely also complaining about the “state of education” in the country.  I’m just sayin’…

It’s not like these rules are arbitrary.  To me, the fact that “you” and “are” can combine to make “you’re” and that word’s meaning is completely different from “your” does not seem to be an impossible or nonsensical concept.  I’m really not even trying to rag on people who make this mistake (I even do it sometimes if my brain is moving faster than my fingers can type.)  It just annoys me that there seems to be some sort of double standard where, once out of high school, English is regarded as Math/Geography/[fill in blank with subject]’s bastard red-headed stepchild.  I’m not even talking about people needing to know every obscure rule of grammar there is;  I’m talking very basic grammar here.

No one loves a grammar nazi…except maybe another grammar nazi…

Well, I know all this bitching won’t do anything to change anything.  We grammar nazis are routinely ignored.  But I figured that at the very least, I could get a blog post out of it, and we could all enjoy some grammar memes.   Oh noes.  I’m a… “grammar nerd!”

I was actually THINKING this last night….

No one is feeling MY nuts!

You all just better watch your step! Liam is serious.

*Thanks to Louise for pointing out even Grammar Nazis make mistakes. 😀

Happy (belated) Birthday, “Ex” Friend

Dear longtime friend,

Since you “divorced” me a few months back, I’ll have to admit, I sort of forgot about the whole issue.  At least on a daily basis.  You see, since we live so far apart now, and social media was really our only contact, you erased yourself from my life, and me from yours, quite effectively with that “block” button on Facebook…although I still can’t exactly figure out why you felt that was necessary, as if “de-friending” me was not enough…like you thought I would just continue to send you messages even though we clearly had nothing else to talk about.

I went about my life, and , like I said, after the shock and upset over our initial argument wore off, I sort of forgot about it all.  Except for when one of our mutual friends would mention you in conversation, or in a Facebook comment I couldn’t see because, after 20 years of friendship, you decided my existence pissed you off so much, you didn’t want to see my name…or whatever.  Then I would get kinda mad.

But eventually I’d forget about it…

Until I went through all my old greeting cards, some from as far back as middle school, and found the ones from you.  On more than one, you proclaimed how we would be friends forever and you’d always be here for me.  It made me a bit sad, but it also made me mad.  I didn’t know if I should keep the cards or get rid of them.  After all, if you could throw me out like an old card, why should I keep these mementos of our friendship?  But I decided to…just in case.  

And then I forgot about it.  After all, I am a mom, a wife.  I am (once again) a student, a writer, an artist, and a volunteer.  I’m a daughter and a friend… SO I had a lot to occupy my mind… and I forgot about it again.

Except for whenever feminism came up in conversation.  It seems a stupid thing to lose a friend over.  It’s not an elitist club.  It’s not about being obligated to feel or act a certain way, but rather having the option to decide for oneself…  And that’s what I would tell whoever I happened to be in discussion with.  But then I would forget about it again.

And every once in a while, something random would make me think of you.  How you were at my wedding.  How you are one of few of my friends from my homestate who have gotten to meet my daughter, who was not born until after we left the state.  It’s always with a mixture of sadness and anger that I think of you.  It makes me sad that you feel you no longer want to share in my life, especially my life’s greatest joy, getting to know my daughter.  She is super-cool!

It makes me sad that I used to describe you as the nicest, most open-minded person I knew, and you took those words and bit me in the ass with them.  I understand activism is important to you, but you seem more angry now then empowered.

Today* was your birthday.   I thought about asking a mutual friend to wish you a happy birthday…then I started questioning myself.  Did I really care?  Did I want you to know I was thinking of you, or was I just being passive aggressive, letting you know that despite your snub, I was still around?  I don’t even really know why I am writing this now.  You likely have “unfollowed” my blog as well and will never see this message.  And I guess that’s fine.  Maybe it’s better even, since it would probably just piss you off.

But, Happy Birthday anyway.  And Happy Holidays too, for good measure.  In a day or so, I will forget about this again for a while.  But I will be here, as ever.

Love me.

(edited cuz I thought today was yesterday*)

Eff you, and your righteous indignation…

Man…there are so many hateful people in this world.  I am really starting to hate Facebook for making me so aware of it.  People like to blame all sorts of groups for “the state of the country…”  The Republicans, the Democrats, (Libs and Conservatives), the poor, the blacks, the whites, the illegals…  There is very little left of sympathy or empathy or the milk of human kindness.  SO many people only care about themselves and how things affect them.

The government just cut food stamps…again.  And the house endorsed and extra $500 million in aid to Israel…for missile systems!!!

Could someone tell me why so many people in this country hate our own poor, disdain giving them any help or money because they think it’s just the poor being “lazy” and the gov’t “enabling” them…?

But we can send a shit ton of money to other countries?  Oh, I bet I can…  Because somehow the House sees the money sent to Israel for weapons as a better “investment” than money spent on their own people.

Are we all so busy hating each other, blaming each other (damn lazy poor people,) that we can’t see the gov’t is the one sucking up all our money, screwing up our lives?

Facebook and the internet is really making me start to hate people…worse than I already did.   By all means, let’s cut SNAP aid and welfare money to the US poor….by, dear GOD, don’t let the Panda Cam go offline!!!

“Fuck you, poor person. We wanna see Pandas.”

No. Just…No.

This is one of the gems making the rounds on Facebook right now… (and by “gems,” I really mean ignorant, entitled bullshit…)

I find it amusing that hundreds of thousands of federal employees just got an unrequested “vacation” without pay because Congress couldn’t get their shit together, and STILL, everyone, including other middle class Americans, are still focusing on blaming the poor people in America.

(I’ve written about this before, and anyone interested in actual facts can check out that link…)

Or, if facts don’t really matter much, I’ll leave you with this little ode to misrepresentation and straight up lies. (I’ll reprint the caption that’s tagging along with this particular incarnation of an old pic, but please, don’t hold me responsible for the dumbassery…)

“What the hell is this… A picture is worth a thousand words. SOMEONE WAS AT THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME WITH A CAMERA. IT WAS REPORTED THAT PRESIDENT OBAMA WAS FURIOUS THAT HE WAS CAUGHT ON CAMERA AND IT WAS PUBLISHED AND TRIED TO BLOCK IT. The name of the book Obama is holding is called: The Post-American World, and it was written by a fellow Muslim.(Fareed Zakaria) “Post” America means: The World “After” America !” If each person sends this to a minimum of twenty people on their address list, In three days, all people in The United States of America would have the message. I believe this is one photo that really should be passed around.”

‘Kay, guys…  I hope no one ever post pix of the stuff I read for entertainment!

Also…Obama is Christian…

Also…ah fuck it…  http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/postamerican.asp

Oh dear god, not again…

Well, I do believe Facebook knew I got laid last night before I did.

As my very wise friend told me, hubby really needs to monitor my internet privileges after I pop an Ambien.   This shit is getting a little ridiculous.  I got up a few times after taking half an Ambien, either to pee or get a snack.  I even got online….   (Why, oh why did I get online???)  I know better.   I may feel awake.  May even look and sound awake, with the exception of a few weirdly random things that may come out of my mouth.

But I know better.  I know the next day I am likely to remember most of the things I have done the night before only vaguely, as in a twilight sleep dream.  If I remember them at all.  I think I ate a banana with peanut butter and chocolate.  This morning I wondered if hubby and I got it on last night.  This morning, it didn’t seem likely…until I looked at one of my Facebook statuses…

whoopsie!  

But at the time, I’m guessing whatever I did actually seemed like a swell idea!  I wonder if that was before or after I decided I wasn’t falling asleep quickly enough and took the other half of the Ambien.

Oh well.  Guess I’ll have to have a talk with hubby later about him doing a better job of keeping me from doing stupid shit when I take my medicine.  But at least I can rest easy (haha) knowing I am not the only person this drug effects in strange ways.

(*I do not own these images)

(*I do not own these images)

I Hope Your Cardiologist is an Obama Supporter

I originally posted this on Facebook, but then remembered by “no more politics on my Facebook” vow, and decided to post it here.  Because I am really, super fucking tired of reading about and hearing people bash Obama for the Affordable Care Act, and even more tired of seeing people make carte blanche statements about people they’ve never even met based on who they voted (or didn’t vote) into office.  Some people are just random morons spouting their uneducated/ biased opinions in Huffington Post comment sections would likely not be so free with their opinions if they were face to face with the people they were insulting; after all… most civilized people regard it as gauche to just straight up insult someone because you don’t agree with their politics.   But apparently, it’s okay to do that online.  As evidenced by all the hateful political memes going around Facebook.  When I was growing up, who one was voting for was often considered a private matter, much like asking someone about their salary.  But now apparently it’s okay to criticize people in retrospect for their choices in the polls.

Oh, this is funny? You probably just insulted and alienated half of your Facebook “friends.” But I bet you’re really a nice person in real life, aren’t you?  For realz.

You don’t have to agree with the President, or even like him, but I can’t help but feel like a lot of the negativity surrounding the ACA is born of ignorance and bigotry.  After all, socialized medicine is not a new idea, and Obama is not the first President to try to implement it.  Historically speaking, the Social Security and Medicare programs were also met with some resistance.

” Harry Truman took on the idea of national medical care and tried to integrate it into his Fair Deal program. Truman’s attempts were also unsuccessful, though during his presidency the fight for national medical care became specific to the aged population.Once the targeted age was decided, a lengthy debate began over presenting a coherent medical care bill to Congress. During the Eisenhower administration, the House Ways and Means Committee was created. The members of this committee were mainly Republicans and Southern Democrats, complicating attempts to pass social health programs. Wilbur Mills, chair of the committee, later played a role in creating the health care program that was integrated into the Social Security Act.” (source)

Obama’s ideas may not be perfect, but I do think they could work better if all parties cooperated instead of some businesses and politicians just trying to keep their already fat pockets padded.  Obama didn’t single-handedly ruin this country, as so many claim… lobbyists and politicians did.  As much as some people feel like he is not doing this country any favors, he’s not Adolf Hitler either.  He’s not the anti-christ… (and btw, your tin foil hat is crooked.)

But the main thrust of this post is actually this;  for those of you who feel comfortable judging a whole group of people as “morons” (or any other unflattering but essentially meaningless defamation) simply because you dislike that they voted for Obama (or didn’t, as the case may be,) just remember, these people are people too.  They have ideas, dreams, people they love, and people who love them.  And some of them are probably people you know, people you call “friends” and even like.

Or maybe they are people you will need some day.  If you should one day find yourself caught in a burning building, are you going to turn away a fireman who comes to your rescue because he’s a “moron who voted for Obama?”  (Psst…if you are that much of a self-righteous dick, you should probably consider just dying.  Just sayin’.)

Okay.  Red Queen out.

G*ddammit, just STOP it already!

The above title could refer either to my need to check comments and notifications on Huffington Post, (where some moron has inevitably said something too dumb to ignore, or purposely picked a fight with me) OR it could, and DOES, refer to how very fucking tired I am of seeing all the race (and sex) hate online.  I sometimes wish I could go back in time to when I did not have constant internet access, and hence, was not nearly as aware of all the horrible things going on in the world, and subsequently, the horribly misguided and moronic responses of scared and ignorant people.  I’ll admit, I’m scared too.  I have a child, and my fear for her safety and happiness is all encompassing; no matter how vigilant you are, you can not protect against the senseless and amoral.

So, I’m scared.  But I’m also pissed!  I need to get off Facebook and the internet news for a while, because if I see one more person blame Obama for all the woes in this country and then support it with inaccurate “factoids” they picked up somewhere I might just explode.  If I see one more forwarded article posted by one of my Facebook friends whining about “why does Trayvon get all this attention but black on white crime goes unobserved?” I might just throat punch someone.

I have noticed an increase in my own political posts and replies in an attempt to combat all the rampant ignorance going around, and frankly, to some people, I am probably becoming one of those political posters that annoy me!!!  I don’t want to be that person… because it doesn’t do any good anyway.  It seems like most people either agree with your views or disagree.  If they agree, you haven’t really “enlightened” anyone.  And it feels like most people that disagree are loath to make room in their personal philosophies to consider any new info on the topic.

But back to the race thing, which is what today’s post is about… I ask you… I BEG you…

[Some**] black people… please stop threatening to riot when shit doesn’t go your way.  It doesn’t do anything to help your cause.  It’s basically like trying to bully people into action by threatening violence.

[Some**] white people… please stop playing the whole “reverse” racism card.  You are not helping “spread awareness” about the perceived plight of white people.  You just sound like a toddler whining, “it’s not faaaair…”

It’s bad enough there are still people who are comfortable being openly racist, basically acting like a bunch of uneducated hillbillies, but the rest of us, who think we’re “fighting for the underdog” or standing up for our rights are not helping.  Some people claim Obama is trying to divide the races.  Let me tell you, he doesn’t need to.  We do it all on our own.  And to me, the barely veiled racism of today is in some ways just as bad as the racism of yesteryear.  Passive aggressive, misguided…

Yes, both sides (and believe it or not, there are more races in America now besides black and white) are still seeing instances of inequality.  Both sides have victims.  Both sides have perpetrators.  The problem is not black and white.  When the race of a perpetrator is mentioned in the title of an article, unless there is specific evidence the crime was racially motivated, to me that’s a red flag.  That’s propagating hate.  And then if you go to the comments section of just about any news outlet online, someone will inevitably find a way to dredge up and grandstand on their particular beliefs, whether said beliefs have anything to do with the article or not.

So if you want to be part of the solution instead of part of the problem, for the love of God, or whoever, just stop with the “righteous indignation” and forwarded crap about race crimes…on both sides!!!  Isn’t people killing people bad enough???

okay…end rant…have to go mop up my brains…

(ps…and a note to myself…  JUST STOP ALREADY! Stop letting morons you don’t even know piss you off.  Stop posting political stuff on Facebook or being bated by others’ political posts. Slactivism is not activism, so.  Just.  Stop.)

**If it’s not already obvious, I qualify these statements with the word “some,” because I would never dream of impugning a whole group of people based on the actions of only some.  However, it’s apparent to me that the number of people spouting the nonsense have enough of a voice that they are still causing trouble.